Thursday, May 25, 2006

Gary Lineker for England (v Cameroon), 1 July 1990

The continuing adventures of nonsense aging Jack Of All Trades commentator.......

Mr & Mrs Davies - Part 3

At BBC Television Centre

Maureen: "What are we doing here today? The BBC are announcing their commentary line-up for the World Cup, yes?"

Barry: "Yes, you join us here in the majestic setting of the BBC Television Centre on this muggy Thursday afternoon. It's the eighth time that the BBC have covered the World Cup, and I have been here on every one of those occasions. Over there we can see the sheepskin coat of long time rival John Motson and over by the coffee in the corner is young upstart Guy Mowbray".

Maureen: "So is everyone here there, do you think?"

Barry: "Oh no. Oh no. They are about to start and nowhere can I see Conor McNamara. Nowhere at all. What a dreadful mistake. It is like 1962 all over again when David Coleman got stuck on the Victoria line and missed the first knockout round announcement. Frankly that ridiculous decision could decide the whole outcome."

Maureen: "Shhh. They are about to start."

Barry: (whispering) "..and here walks ex England striker Gary Lineker to the front of the room, closely followed by Adrian Chiles and that Scottish bird from the darts..."

Maureen: "Listen. John Motson. Jonathan Pearce. Alan Hansen. Mark Lawrenson. Simon Brotherton. Steve Wilson. John Roder. Ian Gwyn Hughes. Lee Dixon. Gavin Peacock. Garth Crooks. Ray Stubbs. Oh hold on, Gary is finished, that must be the end...."

Barry looks at the front of the room for eight minutes nineteen seconds saying absolutely nothing.

"oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof. Terrible choice. Terrible choice."

(you're right. It had no mileage to start with which is why I binned it in August. I just hate the balding twit. You don't hear Motty or Clive Tyldesley commentating on the gymnastics or the ice dancing, do you?)

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