Emmanuel Adebayor for Arsenal (v Derby County), 28 April 2008

Some absolutely first-class understatement from Jon Champion on Setanta tonight.

"Derby have set a new benchmark for Premier league unsuitability...."

Really?

Steed Malbranque for Tottenham Hotspur (v Bolton Wanderers), 26 April 2008

There is a scene in Martin McDonagh's excellent new film "In Bruges" where Colin Farrell asks Brendan Gleeson if he believes in heaven and hell. "What's that place in between?", muses Farrell. "Is it purgatory? That's where you go when you are somewhere in-between, not really good but not really sh*t either?"

"Yes", concurs Gleeson.

Farrell ponders this.

"Like Tottenham?"

John Arne Riise for Chelsea (v Liverpool), 22 April 2008

Nearly at the finishing post.....!

Birmingham 1-1 Liverpool
Chelsea 1-0 Man Utd
Man City 2-0 Fulham
Sunderland 1-0 Middlesbrough
Tottenham 2-0 Bolton
West Ham 2-1 Newcastle
Wigan 2-1 Reading
Everton 1-1 Aston Villa
Portsmouth 1-1 Blackburn
Derby 0-3 Arsenal

and wildcards from "squeaky bum" time at both ends of the Championship

Hull 2-1 Crystal Palace
Leicester 1-1 Sheffield Wed
Sheff Utd 2-1 Bristol City

David Villa for Valencia (v Athletic Bilbao), 20 April 2008

Following my somewhat withering assessment of Ronald Koeman's managerial ability here, it will come as no surprise to anyone who's followed his coaching career that he has been sacked as manager of Valencia after just six months in the job.

It actually might go down in history as one of the most hapless managerial stints of all time. He took over when Valencia were fourth, four points behind leaders Real Madrid and leaves them sixteenth, two points off the relegation zone and a mere 33 points behind Real. He won 4 of his 22 games in charge and alienated a grand proportion of the fans and players by sidelining experienced internationals such as Canizares, Angulo and Albelda. The final nail in his coffin was the 5-1 defeat to Bilbao this weekend.

He might just escape total vilification thanks to their 3-1 Spanish Cup final win over Getafe last week, but still - his coaching career finds a new nadir. If he's linked with your club, folks, protest vehemently immediately....!

Zoltan Gera for West Bromwich Albion (vs Wolves), 15 April 2008

Sorry they're so late, but here are this week's predictions:

Arsenal 2-0 Reading
Blackburn 0-1 Man Utd
Fulham 0-1 Liverpool
Middlesbrough 1-1 Bolton
West Ham 2-0 Derby
Wigan 1-1 Tottenham
Aston Villa 2-1 Birmingham
Man City 1-0 Portsmouth
Newcastle 2-2 Sunderland

Bottom of the table wildcards:

Colchester 0-1 Coventry
Nottingham Forest 2-0 Luton
Wrexham 0-1 Notts County
Falkirk 3-0 Gretna

Luis Suarez for Ajax (v FC Groningen), 16 April 2008

This Sunday, as it was twelve months ago, the Dutch Eredivisie title will be decided on the last day of the regular season. After some penultimate week drama (Ajax's away game at Groningen was postponed after a fire broke out in one of the stands before kick-off leading to several fans being hospitalised) and PSV failing to overcome FC Twente at the Philips Stadion, the 34th game of the season will again be decisive.

PSV are the firm favourites as they take a three point lead into the last day, but they face a tricky away tie at Vitesse (where Ajax lost a fortnight ago). Ajax face Heracles at the Amsterdam Arena with a five goal superior goal difference.

If PSV avoid defeat, they'll retain the title, if they lose, it's up to Ajax to win a straightforward home tie.

At the foot of the table, the one automatic relegation place is also a tightly fought contest between VVV and Excelsior. VVV are a point behind Excelsior but have a home fixture against struggling de Graafschaap, whilst Excelsior travel to Heerenveen. I'd personally be sad to see VVV go down, as they've played some good flowing football this season, and in Nordin Amrabat have one of the country's brightest young talents.

come on Ajax! I have no particular affiliation with the Dutch legends, but if they're the Arsenal of the Dutch league, PSV are the Chelsea - amazingly effective but not terribly interesting....

Junior Lewis for Leicester Reserves (v Tottenham Hotspur Reserves), 19 January 2004

Yet more proof that where CUAS lead, others follow.

Compare and contrast Ian's excellent contribution to "J" in the A-Z of Football with this piece from last week's Times.

Dear oh dear. Not just the Guardian nicking our content - now everyone's up to no good!

[thanks to Ian for the link]

Fernando Torres for Liverpool (v Arsenal), 8 April 2008

Hello all (numbers for this escapade seem to be diminishing of late....)

Birmingham 1-1 Everton
Bolton 1-0 West Ham
Derby 0-2 Aston Villa
Portsmouth 2-1 Newcastle
Reading 2-1 Fulham
Sunderland 1-0 Man City
Tottenham 2-0 Middlesbrough
Liverpool 2-0 Blackburn
Man Utd 2-1 Arsenal
Chelsea 2-0 Wigan

and showing at your local multiplex:

In Bruges (Club Bruges 2-1 Cercle Bruges)
Meet the Spartans (Sparta Rotterdam 1-2 Heerenveen)
Leatherheads (Leatherhead Town 1-0 Eastbourne Town)

Bernard Mendy for Paris Saint-Germain (v Racing Club Lens), 29 March 2008

Despite their controversial injury time winner in last weeks French League Cup Final, the once mighty Paris Saint-Germain could be playing in next seasons UEFA Cup whilst languishing in the second tier of French football.

The famous club - one of the founder members of G14 - have had a tough few seasons in the shadow of regular champions Lyon. Despite some experienced management (current manager is Paul le Guen - tipped a few years back as one of the leading young coaches in the European game) and some reasonable quality players (French internationals Bernard Mendy, Peguy Luyindula, Mikael Landreau and Jerome Rothen plus Portuguese striker Pauleta, to name but a few), the past Cup Winners Cup winners have spent most of this season in the bottom half of the table.

Now, with six matches of the season remaining, PSG sit in the relegation zone of le Championnat in 18th position. It's tight down there - four teams sit on 35 points - but PSG have shown no sign in recent weeks of dragging themselves out of their perilous position, culminating in Saturday's 1-0 defeat at AS Nancy.

It's been a difficult year for some of Europe's most famous clubs. Deportivo la Coruna, Spanish champions as recently as 2000 have only recently dragged themselves out of the relegation mire they have been in for most of the season. Valencia - La Liga champions in 2002 and 2004 and Champions League/UEFA Cup finalists this decade - are slipping towards the drop zone at an alarming rate (they are 6 points off the drop with 7 games to go). AZ Alkmaar, pipped to the Eredivisie title last season on a dramatic last day are just safe from relegation. Parma, UEFA Cup winners in 1999 are one off the Serie A drop zone.

Whilst it's likely that these other former giants will live to fight another day, PSG have a mere six matches to save their Championnat status which, on current form, looks less and less likely as each week goes by.

Deivid for Fenerbahce (v Chelsea), 2 April 2008

Well, we're on the predictions home straight. Due to the credit crunch/liquidity squeeze, I have no work to do and thusly and therefore the league tables have been updated! (woot. Something that I have learnt is that over a 3-4 week period, everyone scores roughly the same number of points.)

Arsenal 1-0 Liverpool
Aston Villa 2-0 Bolton
Blackburn 2-1 Tottenham
Fulham 1-0 Sunderland
Man City 0-1 Chelsea
Newcastle 2-1 Reading
Wigan 1-0 Birmingham

Stick a pin in for the the Cup semi-finals (90 minute score)

West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Portsmouth
Barnsley 1-0 Cardiff

and wildcards from the Champions League

Liverpool 0-1 Arsenal
Chelsea 2-0 Fenerbahce

Kyle Lafferty for NEC Bargain Basement (v Gold Coast Warriors), 1 April 2008

My names LB....and I'm an addict.

As I have written about before, I have been a fan of the Championship Manager/Football Manager franchise since, I reckon 1996. I'm a "plug and play" kind of manager - buy and sell, send your team out, hope for the best.

A few weeks ago, having absent mindedly signed up one day to the FM mailing list I was invited to be one of the few hundred participants in the Beta testing process for "Football Manager Live", the logical next progression for the FM series. I said I'd help, and I joined the "gameworld" in early February.

It is *brilliant*.

There are around 500 players worldwide in my particular "world". Whilst similar in look and idea to the offline version, there are clearly some significant differences - mainly of course that instead of playing a computer controlled side you are playing a living, breathing human somewhere in the world.

I'm not much good at it, to be fair. There are still loads of things I don't know about the game and the level of detail available is far more than I care about (I'm not all that bothered where my left back stands when defending a right wing corner, for example). The community aspect of it is brilliant, though - there is a "chat" facility during games and I have made a few online buddies in places as far afield as Holland, Ireland and Slovenia.

Making a few buddies also helps if you need to loan a player for a few days.....!!!

I also like the fact that you have to watch the game develop much more than in the offline version as people tweak their tactics - the whole experience is much more like actually being a manager and having to change formation, instructions etc as the game unfolds. For example, I've now developed two full thorough tactical formations (that took about two hours each to establish) - one which is my favourite and then a really defensive one I switch to if I am ahead with 25 minutes to go.

There have been bugs in the system and there remain some teething troubles but I can see FML being an enormous success when eventually launched. Whilst it is eating up my life like nothing has for years, I'll happily pay the subscription once launched....

Didier Drogba for Chelsea (v Arsenal), 23 March 2008

Hello again (I will update the table soon, honestly I will...)

Birmingham 2-1 Man City
Bolton 0-2 Arsenal
Derby 0-1 Fulham
Man Utd 2-1 Aston Villa
Portsmouth 2-0 Wigan
Reading 1-1 Blackburn
Sunderland 1-0 West Ham
Chelsea 2-0 Middlesbrough
Liverpool 1-0 Everton
Tottenham 2-1 Newcastle

it's the Johnstone's Paint Trophy Final! (well it's a pot. More than Liverpool will win this season)

Grimsby 1-1 MK Dons

Kevin Vandenbergh for FC Utrecht (v AZ Alkmaar), 16 March 2008

So, after our excursions to 's-Hertogenbosch for Friday night's Jupiler League fixture, we had a day of rest (just as well, as we ended up spending it at Eindoven's Maxima Medisch Centrum). Sunday took us back to the Eredivisie and to the pretty central city of Utrecht, Holland's fourth largest.

It was a rotten day, frankly. Persistent rain bounced off the gloomy, ghostlike town centre as we ploughed our way through the deserted shops to the museum quarter. We walked under Utrecht's "Dom tower" (Holland's tallest ) and eventually found the Centraal Museum and, beside it, the Dick Bruna Huis, a colourful and entertaining exhibition of the work of the creator of Miffy and his friends.

Then, back to the city centre, we hopped onto one of the multitude of free buses to the Stadion Galgenwaard.

FC Utrecht are an even newer team than Den Bosch, being founded in 1970 by the merger of three local clubs. They hold the distinction of being the only club outside the "big three" never to have been relegated since its formation in 1970 although in recent years they have been mired in the middle of the Eredivisie - always too good to go down but never a serious challenger for the title.

This season is no exception. Utrecht came into the game on the back of a pretty poor run, despite their 3-1 victory over PSV in their last home game. Opponents AZ, however, are having the season from hell. Having gone into the last match of the 2006/7 season needing a win to be the first club outside the "big three" to win the title since 1980 they lost 3-2 at Excelsior and finished in third place.

This season, they have been a model of inconsistency as their respected manager Louis van Gaal has been unable to capitalise on last seasons success and they have spent the whole campaign in the bottom half of the table (losing top scorer Danny Koevermans to PSV clearly didn't help).

Michel in the ticket office had reserved us good seats ("next to the fanatic side", as he put it) but when we got there, we realised we were in the second row. Great view, but we got absolutely drenched as the stand offered us zero protection from the elements.


AZ had much the better of the first half as Utrecht's 4-5-1 formation failed to penetrate (getting serious for a minute, this system relies heavily on midfield runners supporting the lanky lone striker (amusingly coiffeured Dutch legend Robin Nelisse) but other than tricky winger Leroy George and the superbly monikered youngster Randy Wolters (a career in country and western eschewed to play on the Tiger's right wing) there was precious little support.

So, half time arrived and the match remained goal-less. As I stood in the pouring rain with 21899 others, freezing cold, I began to worry that my weekend excursion was going to result in a goalless debacle (Friday's game ended 0-0). Thankfully, eight minutes into the second half AZ midfielder Barry de Zeuuw rifled a right-foot shot into the top corner and the match came alive. Utrecht, whilst not the strongest collection of individuals have a great team ethic, and talented midfielder Cedric van der Gun nodded in George's corner just after the hour. Substitute Kevin Vandenbergh then slotted Utrecht ahead and it looked like Utrecht's endeavour was going to win them the game. That was until they failed to clear an innocuous corner in injury time and El Hamdaoui rifled in a last-gasp equaliser.

A fair result, I guess. I have to confess to be leased to get out of the Galgenwaard, bearing in mind I have rarely been as soaking wet in my life. Perhaps next time I'll go to some August or September fixtures, eh?

Robbie Keane for Tottenham Hotspur (v Chelsea), 19 March 2008

ah, hello there. Details of a 0-0 draw in front of 4381 in Brabant are here. If that doesn't grab you, I don't know what will.

Aston Villa 2-0 Sunderland
Blackburn 2-1 Wigan
Bolton 0-0 Man City
Everton 2-0 West Ham
Middlesbrough 1-0 Derby
Newcastle 1-0 Fulham
Reading 1-1 Birmingham
Tottenham 2-1 Portsmouth

Ooooh! It's Grand Slam Sunday (four tennis tournaments on the same day? Wow.)

Manchester Utd 1-1 Liverpool
Chelsea 1-0 Arsenal

and some wildcards from next weeks international friendlies

France 2-1 England
Scotland 1-2 Croatia
Spain 1-0 Italy

Stanley Aborah for FC Den Bosch (v MVV), 7 March 2008

As I have mentioned here before, one of the main reasons I continue to line Setanta Sports' pockets to the tune of a tenner a month is that they have excellent coverage of Dutch league football. I say "excellent". To clarify somewhat, their coverage is extensive and fulsome although their commentary is decidedly ropey (one such eejit spent an entire NAC Breda match calling them "Roda" just because they both wear a yellow strip, for example).

Anyway, having seen some Dutch league football before, a return was long overdue and so the wife and I picked a great weekend to go - when Spurs were in town. Thankfully, our trip included a couple of nights in the fine Belgian haven of Antwerp and so we escaped the worse of the North London invasion.

This time, I plumped for a Friday night match from the Dutch Jupiler League - their equivalent of the Championship. A short train ride from our base in Eindhoven took us to the pretty market town of 's-Hertogenbosch and a 158 bus carried us to the de Vliert Stadion on the outskirts of town.

FC Den Bosch are not that famous a club. Their previous incarnation, BVV, won the League in 1947 but since they became Den Bosch in 1965, the odd promotion to the big time has been the limit of their success. Oh, and the odd big player passing through onto bigger and better things (one Rutgerus van Nistelrooy figured for a short spell).

This was a top of the table clash though - third place FC Zwolle were the visitors with fourth place Den Bosch looking to avenge their 4-1 thrashing in the reverse fixture earlier in the season.

After a trip to see Marion in the friendly fanshop (they only had away shirts in anything approaching an adult mens size, but for your €25 they did throw in an authentic pair of away shorts also) we bought our tickets (a reasonable €13) and headed for the bar.

Well, I say "bar". The reality was that the function facility for the home faithful was a small Portakabin at the back of an untended grassy bank containing a couple of lavvies, a beer keg and some faded pictures of bygone glory days. It also contained any number of dubiously aged kids sloshing Bavaria to no-one's concern and some of the worst sweatsuits this side of a Sports Direct firesale.

Anyway, 8 o'clock duly arrived and to far to grand a fanfare we got started.

To be fair, there's not much to write. The away support was (like every Dutch game I have ever seen) pretty pitiful, although the large minibus load that turned up did their best to make themselves heard. Den Bosch fielded a stray Irishman named Barry Maguire who, despite being tidy enough, I couldn't help think had missed out by a different vowel and a different consonant on being the best monikered footballer in the world game. "Help me, help you!" (etc).

Zwolle's shirts were also by some distance the busiest I have seen for a while - no room for the players names you'll notice as there's more than enough going on with the sponsors...

All time Macedonian international goalscorer Georgi Hristov (famous only in the UK for claiming all the women in Barnsley were "dogs") showed why he has found his level in European football (over 200 games for Den Bosch) by turning in a mediocre performance and missing the home side's best chance from open play. Their best chance of the night though came when a dubious first half penalty award gave Koen van der Biezen the opportunity to dribble the worst penalty I have ever seen in the flesh miles wide of the keeper's right hand post. I have also never heard such an uncharitable cheer when a player is substituted as greeted the sign of the number 19 trudging disconsolately towards the dugout.

The home fans - a total of 4381 of us braved the match - were loud enough albeit in a tuneless and slightly gruff way. It consisted of not so much singing as neanderthal grunting for most of the game, although I do appreciate that "you're going home in an apostrophe S hyphen Hertogenbosch ambulance" doesn't scan all that successfully.

Still, everyone happy with a point (actually, no. No-one happy with a point) and off we headed back into the dark of a brisk Brabant night all the richer for seeing the genius of Nyron Wau in action.

Adebayo Akinfenwa for Northampton Town (vs Walsall), 8 March 2008

Whilst LB takes in a bit of Miffy and a touch of football, it's predictions time again folks.

Arsenal 2-0 Boro
Derby 0-2 Man United
Liverpool 2-0 Reading
Portsmouth 1-0 Villa
Sunderland 0-2 Chelsea
West Ham 1-1 Blackburn
Fulham 0-1 Everton
Man City 0-1 Spurs
Wigan 2-1 Bolton
Birmingham 1-0 Newcastle

Wildcards.... oh, go on then, I'll resist the lure of the rugby....

Places I've lived (in order, and all playing at home):

Northampton 0-1 Swansea
Milton Keynes Dons 2-0 Dag & Red
Rugby Town 1-0 Mangotsfield United
Coventry 1-0 Sheff Wed
York City 0-1 Torquay
Nottm Forest 1-1 Walsall

Right then!

Arturo ten Heuvel for FC Den Bosch (v BV Veendam), 10 March 2008

I like a foreign football excursion and since last years trip to Hertha Berlin, I haven't had a chance.

So, this weekend (timed amazingly badly to coincide with a Spurs away match), the missus and I are off to Holland and Belgium for a long weekend.

Friday night we'll be at the de Vliert stadium in s'Hertogenbosch to see FC Den Bosch v FC Zwolle in the Dutch equivalent of the Championship. How can you not love a team sponsored by BrainWash? Plus, fact fans, Georgi Hristov plays for them (remember him? Played for Barnsley in the Premier League?)

In my mission to visit every ground in the Eredivisie (Feyenoord in the past and NEC, Ajax and PSV last time out) we're going to FC Utrecht on Sunday to see them play struggling AZ Alkmaar.

Robin Nelisse has great hair. Not the best reason, clearly....

Amongst that lot there's a stop in Antwerp for a couple of nights (shame I couldn't take in a Royal Antwerp match considering they are United's Belgian feeder club - John O'Shea is a legend there, apparently). Still, waffles, moules, De Koninck - how wrong can you go?

I am also reliably informed that our day out in Utrecht in Sunday will also include some Miffy
- Utrecht's most famous export.



Looking at the iconic rabbit, I can't help thinking that FC Utrecht's shirts would benefit from some Miffy action?

Maybe I do need a holiday.

*lies down*

Brian Howard for Barnsley (v Liverpool), 16 February 2008

I'll try and get my missus to watch some more footie over the weekend whilst only half listening....

It's a right motley selection this week from all over the show (blame the Cup)

Blackburn 2-0 Fulhan
Liverpool 2-0 Newcastle
Reading 1-0 Man City
Sunderland 1-1 Everton
Tottenham 2-1 West Ham
Wigan 1-3 Arsenal

Barnsley 0-2 Chelsea
Man United 2-0 Portsmouth
Bristol Rovers 1-1 West Brom
Middlesbrough 1-0 Cardiff City

and it's first versus second on the continent:

PSV 2-1 Ajax
Lyon 2-1 Bordeaux

Michael Chopra for Sunderland (v Tottenham Hotspur), 11 August 2007

Part 2 in a short series of "footballers names my wife has misheard during commentary".

This week: Derby v Sunderland.

"Did he just say that guy's name was Shopfront?"

James McFadden for Birmingham City (v Arsenal), 23 February 2008

Well, that tackle on Eduardo has opened up a bit of a debate, hasn't it....?

Arsenal 2-1 Aston Villa
Birmingham 1-1 Tottenham
Derby 1-1 Sunderland
Fulham 1-3 Man Utd
Man City 2-0 Wigan
Middlesbrough 2-0 Reading
Newcastle 1-2 Blackburn
West Ham 1-1 Chelsea
Bolton 0-1 Liverpool
Everton 2-0 Portsmouth

None of that daft rugby this week! Instead, we'll go to the rock bottom of the leagues....

Scunthorpe 1-0 Coventry
Port Vale 1-2 Oldham
Wrexham 1-2 Mansfield