Carlos Tevez for Manchester United (v Chelsea), 23 September 2007

And so, after reading his excellent article again, I e-mailed Paul Wilson at the Guardian today to thank him for his piece. And, very nicely, he e-mailed me back, and told me he appreciated my feedback. He also mentioned how a small number of United fans had contacted him to berate his piece, but that he knew that there were many disaffected fans out there opposed to the policy.

"Gone are the days, at Old Trafford in any case, when supporters could regard cup games as optional extras. Now you either undertake to pay for every game of the season, at considerable extra cost when United can play half a dozen Champions League ties as well as whatever comes along in the domestic knockouts, or risk losing your season-ticket entitlement to someone with deeper pockets."

I also today note this piece, written by opinionated Five Live eejit Alan Green. Pillock he may be, but his point is (I believe) a good one.

"You see, a new scheme is in operation that suggests the Glazers could hardly care less about United supporters. If you're fortunate enough to have a season ticket, you are now FORCED to buy a seat at all home cup ties. It doesn't matter if you don't want to or if you're on holiday or if you're in prison, you MUST buy a ticket or your season ticket will be revoked.

This is some distance from the situation that pertains at some other clubs where a season ticket 'entitles' you to buy a cup ticket for your regular seat. There is no compulsion.

And, not unreasonably, many United fans are absolutely livid. The principle itself stinks. And what of those people - many of the club's supporters are unfairly castigated because they happen to live a long distance away from Old Trafford - who chose to put up with the 'forced sale' but refused to pay the additional, sometimes considerable, expense of actually attending? Hence, the empty seats.

It gets worse. I chuckled last year hearing Sir Alex Ferguson say, after United won the Carling Cup, how he'd always respected the competition. No, Alex, that 'respect' isn't always reflected in your team selections.

The competition clearly ranks fourth in your priorities, as it should. But how does making 11 changes from the Chelsea game and putting in an awful performance, losing at home to a team from the Championship, square with doing your duty to fans that have had little option but to pay for a ticket to a game many didn't want to see?

Fergie was "flabbergasted". I doubt that was the first word on the lips of disgusted United supporters."

I am glad this is now getting the press it deserves. And not because I am a whining United fan that probably should have seen it coming, but because of the resigned inevitability shown by fans of many many other clubs who can see their own owners moving inextricably towards the same sort of money-making scheme.

Cristiano Ronaldo for Manchester Utd (v Birmingham City), 29 September 2007

Considering that the nice folks at the Guardian have long used this site as inspiration, I took the step a couple of weeks ago of saving them the trouble to search and actually sent them links to my ongoing opposition to Manchester United's "automatic cup ticket scheme" which resulted in the return of my season ticket last week.

I note that Paul Wilson has either seen my piece or found out about this nonsensical scheme from another source and written an excellent article about it here.

This follows a piece in the Times a couple of weeks ago which I had to write to the editor to correct as it stated that "....United season tickets now include admission to Cup games..." (absolutely untrue) to which I received a very polite response from the journalist involved confirming that yes, I was absolutely right (his original piece said as much and his point was rather lost by the sub-editor abridging his article to fit the space they had).

The Hon Beverley Hughes, MP for Stretford has also written to the Minister for Culture, Media and Sport and asked them to get involved also.

I doubt if this will do any good in the long run, and my season ticket has already gone back, but if the negative publicity makes other clubs think twice about treating their fans as a bottomless pit of money and football finally realises that ticket prices are getting to unsustainable levels, it'll be all worthwhile.

Paul Wilson's article is excellent and makes some really good points. Now then. What can we get them to discuss next...?

Michael Mifsud for Coventry City (v Manchester Utd), 26 September 2007

Hello all. Predictions time again....

(I will update the table in due course. Manflu/exhaustion are this weeks excuses....)

Birmingham 1-2 Man Utd
Chelsea 2-0 Fulham
Derby 1-1 Bolton
Man City 0-0 Newcastle
Portsmouth 2-1 Reading
Sunderland 2-1 Blackburn
West Ham 1-2 Arsenal
Wigan 0-2 Liverpool
Everton 1-0 Middlesbrough
Tottenham 2-0 Aston Villa

and how about some wildcards from next weeks Champions League?

Stuttgart 1-2 Barcelona
Celtic 0-1 AC Milan
Lazio 1-1 Real Madrid

Kenny Miller for Derby County (v Newcastle Utd), 17 September 2007

Hello all. You can laugh along or cry miserably about the demise of the Special One here. Lasted less time than Sammy Lee? Surely some mistake?

Anyway, must get on. Something about a wedding this weekend. I know, I know. On a weekend with fixtures and *everything*.....

Anyway, Stephen Ireland, eh? Heh heh heh heh heh. What a cock.

Arsenal 3-0 Derby
Fulham 2-1 Man City
Liverpool 2-0 Birmingham
Middlesbrough 1-1 Sunderland
Reading 1-0 Wigan
Aston Villa 0-0 Everton
Blackburn 1-0 Portsmouth
Bolton 0-1 Tottenham
Man Utd 1-0 Chelsea
Newcastle 2-0 West Ham

and wildcards from the Women's World Cup:

Germany Women 3-1 N Korea Women
USA Women 2-1 England Women

Andriy Shevchenko for Chelsea (vs Rosenborg), 18th September 2007

Say what you like about Jose Mourinho, but he certainly gave the Premier League a bit of much needed colour. Apart from anything else, he's the only manager I can think of that has managed to get a rise out of the otherwise preternaturally calm and composed Arsene Wenger. For that alone, we should surely salute him.

I don't know quite what Roman Abramovich thought he was doing by hounding out the best decision he ever made, but I imagine it's something he can find out at his leisure as Avram Grant puts Andriy Shevchenko and Michael Ballack straight into the side....

I don't imagine Jose will be out of work for very long, but in them meantime, here's a selection of some of the quotes (brazenly stolen from Wikipedia) that made us love him in the first place.

"Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one."

"There are only two ways for me to leave Chelsea. One way is in June 2010 when I finish my contract and if the club doesn't give me a new one. It is the end of my contract and I am out. The second way is for Chelsea to sack me. The way of the manager leaving the club by deciding to walk away, no chance! I will never do this to Chelsea supporters."

"We have top players and, sorry if I'm arrogant, we have a top manager."

"If I wanted to have an easy job...I would have stayed at Porto - beautiful blue chair, the UEFA Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me."

"If he helped me out in training we would be bottom of the league and if I had to work in his world of big business, we would be bankrupt." - on Chelsea F.C. owner Roman Abramovich (I guess now we'll see, eh?)

"I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea." - on Arsène Wenger

"Look, we're not entertaining? I don't care; we win."

"Young players are a little bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100 percent sure that the melon is good.Sometimes you have beautiful melons but they don't taste very good and some other melons are a bit ugly and when you open them, the taste is fantastic."

"Omelette, eggs. No eggs, no omelettes. It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have eggs, class one, class two, class three. Some are more expensive than others, and some give you better omelettes. When the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem"

Come back soon Jose. We'll miss you.

Michael Owen for Newcastle Utd (v Wigan Athletic), 2 September 2007

So after all the excitement of the international break, England's world-beating heroes return to Premiership action. Ooooh We beat the mighty Israeli's and a transitional Russian side. Give us the trophy now....

Birmingham 2-1 Bolton
Chelsea 2-0 Blackburn
Everton 1-1 Man Utd
Portsmouth 1-2 Liverpool
Sunderland 2-1 Reading
Tottenham 2-3 Arsenal
West Ham 2-0 Middlesbrough
Wigan 2-1 Fulham
Man City 1-1 Aston Villa
Derby 1-2 Newcastle Utd

and wildcards from the Swedish Allsvenskan:

IFK Goteburg 2-1 IF Elfsborg
Halmstads BK 1-1 AIK
Malmo FF 2-0 Orebro SK

James McFadden for Scotland (v France), 12 September 2007

I wonder why it is that I am really chuffed for the Scots for turning over one of the world's best international sides and am smiling broadly when I see them atop a group containing the world champions, runners up and quarter finalists, when the reverse wouldn't happen in a million years.

What makes the English generally pleased for success for the other home nations (and Ireland) whereas the rest of Great Britain (on the whole) wants nothing more to see England suffer and struggle?

Ruud van Nistelrooy for Manchester Utd (v Fulham), 22 March 2003

[Predictions are here.]

Thanks to all for the kind comments of support on the ongoing United ticket fiasco.

This policy has attracted a great amount of support and interest all over the interwebs - so far I have seen commentary and discussion about it here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here (thanks to ST for the links, apologies if I have missed anyone.)

It is an issue that seems to cross partisan divides and to that effect, if any of you can generate some coverage or encourage debate about this issue with your respective online commentators, I'd be really grateful. It's a fight that will continue (in the courts as well as with fan groups) and if defeated, it might make other clubs think twice about applying the same level of "loyalty tax" (great term, Paul).

I've also written to the local MP to ask for her support. Fat chance I'll get it, of course, but there you go.

One point I would make is that I have seen comments asking why I renewed my season ticket in the light of this policy. The answer is twofold. Firstly, I had 48 hours notice that I had to renew, and I made a snap decision without properly considering the implications. Furthermore, I had made the decision between July and now that I would not be renewing my season ticket in light of this policy for the 2008/9 season (as people I know will confirm). This Roma issue has just brought the issue to an earlier head than I anticipated.

Secondly, I knew from MUST that battlelines against this scheme had already been drawn and that they were supporting one or more court cases questioning the legality of the policy. Were these to be successful of course, I could continue as before which would have been (just about) acceptable.

Finally, I would also mention that there has always been a facility for fans to buy their own seats for cup matches. Before this season you got a week or so to buy your own seat, and then if you chose not to, the ticket went on general sale. It's only this season it has been compulsory to buy the seat.

Again, thanks for the support and, spread the word.

Zat Knight for Aston Villa (v Chelsea), 2 September 2007

Irrespective of your team affiliation, I'd encourage you to spend a couple of minutes and read a story about the sad state of the English game (and football in general) here.

See? Horrendous.

And now for some "finger in the air" bizarre international predictions:

Croatia 3-0 Estonia
England 2-0 Israel
Italy 1-1 France
Latvia 1-1 Northern Ireland
Portugal 2-1 Poland
Scotland 2-1 Lithuania
Serbia 3-1 Finland
Slovakia 1-2 Republic of Ireland
Sweden 2-0 Denmark
Wales 0-3 Germany

and if they weren't wild enough we'll go to the Blue Square Leagues:

Crawley Town 2-0 Droyslden
Kettering 1-0 Boston Utd
Hayes & Yeading 2-2 Basingstoke

(I will update the scores in due course...)

Bryan Robson for Manchester Utd (v Brighton and Hove Albion), 25 May 1983

Today, my love affair with my football club, officially, and sadly, ended.

I, and thousands of others have been fighting with Manchester United for several weeks now over their "automatic cup tickets scheme". In short, the club were refusing to release season tickets to fans unless they agreed to purchase a ticket for every home cup game this season.

I received an e-mail today telling me that the club had tried, unsuccessfully, to debit my account with £38 for the home tie against Roma on Tuesday 2 October. The e-mail said:

"In the event of a card or payment being declined: (i) a ticket will not be issued, (ii) where the season ticket holder is a One Year Only Season Ticket holder, such season ticket holder may lose their priority position on any season ticket waiting list, and (iii) the season ticket holder will be liable to pay any resulting bank or other similar charge incurred by the Club. In addition, if a card or payment is declined on two or more occasions (whether during a single season or over the course of more than one season) the Club shall have the right to: (i) terminate the season ticket holder’s participation in the Season Ticket Holders Home Cup Ticket Scheme; (ii) withdraw the season ticket holder’s season ticket with immediate effect and/or; (iii) terminate any other arrangements that the season ticket holder has with the Club."

I called the ticket office today and a young fella answered the phone. I gave him my membership number and when he asked as to the nature of my call I bet him a pound I wouldn't be the first person he had dealt with with my query.

"You don't want to buy a ticket for the Roma game, do you?" he said.

I can't go to the game. And so, unless I pay £38 for a game I can't attend, my season ticket will be withdrawn. And so, I told him that I won't be buying a ticket, and that I'll wait for my refund to come through as I hand my season ticket back.

I don't know how this has happened. I am about the staunchest and most committed football fan I know. I go, I watch, I inwardly digest. I can tell you pretty much every United player for the last 20 years, scores in Cup finals for decades. I can tell you who scored for Berwick Rangers on Saturday and who Macclesfield Town's manager is.

And yet, today, I have had to disassociate myself with a football club who I have loved for longer than I got to love my father. Despite 15 years of pretty loyal attendance, some amazing highs, standing in the p*ssing rain on dark winter away days and home losses to Crystal Palace, Manchester United has been woven into the fabric of my life more than any relationship, job or pet. And today, my loyalty and unwavering support has been cast aside in the pursuit of nothing more than a quick buck.

It's not even the finances, although for thousands of fans I imagine it is. Creeping season ticket prices have been a cause of concern for a few years now, but this is more fundamental. It's the moment you realise that it's ceased to become about the football and that you are merely a way of the business maximising its income. The club doesn't care about its loyal supporters any more and is prepared to trade them in in search of corporate hospitality and casual tourists who are prepared to pay overinflated prices.

Perhaps I should have seen it coming, or people will say that we deserved it. And maybe they are right. But that doesn't mean that I can't be angry and, let's not beat about the bush, really quite upset about the fact I have effectively been dumped by a lover I have had for twenty five years.

And for those fans out there currently basking in the joy of foreign investment and a team full of international players, this is a cautionary tale. Yes, you - fans of Liverpool and Chelsea and Villa and West Ham and Manchester City, it may all seem like great fun now, but wait until your club screws you for every last penny and disenfranchises you too.

And what happens then? Those true fans up and down the country who have walked away from their respective clubs - those who are the soul of the game - are gone. When the bubble bursts who is left? Drunk City traders on a jolly and casual supporters?

It might seem overdramatic, but I can't believe after all this time it's got to this point. And the worst part of it all is that I am sure there are hundreds and thousands like me feeling just the same.

Emile Heskey for England (v Malta), 3 June 2000

So, after 39 months in the international wilderness, England's struggling Euro 2008 campaign took an increasingly desperate left turn yesterday when all-round hapless lunatic Emile Heskey (left) was recalled to the England squad.

Coupled with an injury list that reads like a "who's who" of international underperformance and disappointment, England head into a crucial set of matches with their most halfwitted coach since the Turnip and a side that most second rate international nations should see off with no bother.

How has this happened? Coach wise (as I have always said), Eriksson was competent. I think the revisionist view on Sven will end up being pretty favourable, considering the sows ears he had to work with to make his silk purse. Was his choice of Vassell, Heskey or Defoe any worse than the current options? I'm not sure. McLaren, however, appears to believe that grinning inanely and treating his international players like schoolkids (Carragher, Bentley, Beckham, even) is the way forward.

And then there's the players. Despite England having one or two international standard players (Rooney? Gerrard?) this is probably the worst set of English top flight players since the early 1990s. Despite the Premiership being the richest (and supposedly best) league in the world, the dearth of English talent is immense. 9% of the Premiership's goals this season have been scored by English strikers, and, with the greatest of respect, I can't see Cameron Jerome (2), Michael Chopra (2), Matt Derbyshire or Victor Anichebe (who has chosen to represent Nigeria anyway) troubling major international defences (Heskey and Darren Bent are the others).

When an injury to Kieron Dyer is portrayed as a huge blow to England's chances, you know something serious is up. And you know what? Something serious is up. England are in real trouble that even a fully fit first choice XI would struggle to remedy. And this weekend's second choice and second rate selection leave me with no confidence at all.

Momo Sissoko for Liverpool (v Sunderland), 25 August 2007

ah, there you are. Predictions ahoy!

Bolton 1-1 Everton
Fulham 1-2 Tottenham
Liverpool 3-0 Derby
Man Utd 2-0 Sunderland
Middlesbrough 2-1 Birmingham
Newcastle 2-0 Wigan
Reading 2-1 West Ham
Arsenal 3-1 Portsmouth
Aston Villa 1-1 Chelsea
Blackburn 1-0 Man City

and wildcards for the Manager of the Month winners:

Coventry 3-1 Preston
Leeds 2-0 Luton
Notts County 2-1 Morecambe

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer for Manchester United (v Bayern Munich), 26 May 1999

So, after 368 appearances and 127 goals, one of the Premierships most likeable football characters today announced his retirement.

Signed in 1996 (famously when the club were turned down by one Alan Shearer) for £1.5million, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer was a relative unknown outside his native Norway where United scouts spotted his talent after he had scored 32 goals in 41 appearances for Molde.

He began his reciprocal love affair with the United faithful a mere six minutes into his debut when he came off the bench to equalize for United in a 2-2 draw with champions Blackburn Rovers. He scored 18 goals in this first season as United won the Premiership.

From there, his predatory instinct, tireless work and team ethic made him, I would suggest, United's most popular player in the post Cantona era. I think he's also one of those rare United players (certainly of recent years) that opposition fans begrudgingly respect. The lack of front page scandal or back page demands for exorbitant wages, coupled with his unquestioning acceptance that he was rarely a first team regular (although he started over 200 games for the club) endeared him not only to the United faithful but also football fans in general.


His highlights were many. Clearly, a way to surefire legendary status at any club is to score an injury time winner in the European Cup Final but many forget Solsjkaer's late winner against Liverpool in the 3rd round of the FA Cup in that famous Treble season.

I also really admired his performances in the 2002-3 season where Ferguson stationed the Norwegian on the right hand side of midfield with the lone Ruud van Nistelrooy up front. Some eye-catching displays and 16 goals ensued that season.

My personal favourite Ole memory however is this ten minutes of brilliance as he came off the bench to net four times in ten minutes in an 8-1 demolition of Nottingham Forest. Superb.



And so, when I moved house to number 20 last year, how on earth could I resist painting my front door red with the "20" in pride of place?

Geovanni for Manchester City (v Manchester Utd), 19 August 2007

Hello troops.

No three points scores for the Dereham v Fakenham match last week, I am afraid - it ended up 12-0 to the home side. Creditable away draws for Debenham and Blue Cross, though....

Arsenal 2-0 Man City
Aston Villa 2-0 Fulham
Bolton 1-1 Reading
Chelsea 3-1 Portsmouth
Derby 2-1 Birmingham
Everton 0-0 Blackburn
Sunderland 0-2 Liverpool
West Ham 2-1 Wigan

Man Utd 1-0 Tottenham
Middlesbrough 1-2 Newcastle

and wildcards from the opening weekend of La Liga:

Real Madrid 3-2 Atletico Madrid
Mallorca 1-1 Levante
Valencia 2-0 Villarreal

Frank Lampard for Chelsea (v Liverpool), 19 August 2007

Proof if any were needed that Rafa appears to be cracking up under the pressure. Notwithstanding the fact that his new facial hair makes him look an awful lot like Max off of Max and Paddy, he has today gone off on one in a manner that makes Jose Mourinho look like a bastion of common sense.

First off, he had a right rant about the Gabriel Heinze situation as discussed here yesterday. Apparently, "....the league prefers to believe the word of someone who has made a mistake." That'll be the word of his current employers who have a contract for his services until 2009, will it?

Honestly.

He then has a pop at the Premier League over their fixture scheduling based on the fact Liverpool play at 12.45pm this Saturday for Sky. I tell you what, Rafa, you play at 3pm every Saturday and we'll have your £20million TV money/Fernando Torres back, shall we?

And then, in what must be one of the most bizarre outbursts of recent times, he says (and I quote): "...I want to ask the Premier League why it was so difficult for Liverpool to sign Javier Mascherano, when we had to wait a long time for the paperwork, but it was so easy for Carlos Tevez to join Manchester United?"

Is he completely deluded or living in a bubble? The transfer of Tevez to United has been going on for (what feels like) months via the High Court, a Premier League panel and even to FIFA. Easy for Tevez to join United? Do me a favour.

What on earth is he getting at? If he's trying to prove some sort of anti-Liverpool conspiracy by being (a) mad another club won't sell their contracted player to him (b) complaining about weird TV led kick-off times and (c) that the Tevez transfer was a cakewalk compared to his Argentinian compatriot, his ludicrous George Michael goatee is the least of his concerns....

Gabriel Heinze for Argentina (v Mexico), 11 July 2007

Ha ha ha. Unsurprisingly, Gabriel Heinze has lost his attempt to force Manchester United to sell him to arch-rivals Liverpool. Who guessed? A panel found in favour of his current employers with whom he has two years remaining on a contract?

Ridiculous.

In the same way as United paid Rio Ferdinand nine months wages whilst he sat in the stands only to be held to ransom for a pay rise the second he returned to action, United fans have quickly turned against Heinze who the club stood by for a year after suffered cruciate ligament damage.

Clearly if the player doesn't want to play for the club, they're well rid. And clearly it's up to the club who they sell him to considering they hold his registration and he is contracted to them. In bygone days, he'd be shunted out to pasture in the reserves until his contract finished, but in the current climate of "player power", he'll no doubt engineer a move somewhere (increasingly looking like Lyon).

Don't you just wish sometimes you could force these idiots to waste years of their career by making them honour their contracts in the reserves? Van Hoojdonk, the de Boers and countless others...

Michael Chopra for Sunderland (v Tottenham Hotspur), 11 August 2007

Predictions time again.

The scores on the doors have been updated. The number in brackets is the actual number of points scored in a week (one for a correct outcome, three for a correct score). Where two people are level, the number of “correct scores” comes into play, otherwise the points are shared.

Phew.

Clearly, newbies always welcome (as it's as easy to get top points in any given week as it is to get nil!)

Birmingham 2-1 West Ham
Fulham 1-0 Middlesbrough
Newcastle 1-0 Aston Villa
Portsmouth 1-1 Bolton
Reading 1-1 Everton
Tottenham 2-0 Derby
Wigan 1-0 Sunderland
Blackburn 1-2 Arsenal
Liverpool 2-1 Chelsea
Man City 1-1 Man Utd

Wildcards this week are from FA Cup Qualifying, mainly as I could clearly not pass up the chance to include two away teams called “Debenhams” and “Blue Cross”.

Heh heh heh.

Dereham Town 3-1 Fakenham Town
Felixstowe & Walton Utd 2-0 Debenham LC
Saffron Walden Town 3-0 Wootton Blue Cross

Carlton Palmer for England (v San Marino), 17 February 1994

Ah, here he is. Sheffield Wednesday and England legend, defender, midfielder, manager, pundit and......estate agent?

www.home-away.com

Do you see what he did, there?

Are you a busy millionaire who spends so much time managing their multinational business that it leaves you no time to find your ideal overseas pied-a-terre? If you are, this is just for you. For a fee and all the first-class travelling expenses you can cough up, a gangly ex Stockport County midfielder can do the research and travel for you!

I tell you what. If I had a few hundred grand I wanted to blow on a huge foreign villa, there are only a few people I'd entrust it to less. I saw what he did to Mansfield Town.

Anyway. If you have any gripe with any clumsy tackle or hapless bit of "skill" the abrasive, awkward midfielder (Wikipedia's definition, not mine) goofed, you can take it up with him directly considering his e-mail address and mobile phone number are on the internet. It's a bit like the Flirt Divert number, only for football...

Rio Ferdinand for Leeds Utd (v Deportivo La Coruna), 4 April 2001

The CUAS Predictions League

Firstly, a big "hello" to everyone at the Guardian who is reading this blog.

Hello! *waves*

The reason I mention this is that despite having lifted ideas for articles and blogs from this site on more than one occasion (famously here), they have this season decided to launch their "PickTheScore" game. Decide for yourself if it sounds familiar:

Pick the Score, Guardian Unlimited's new online football game, is free to enter and incredibly easy to play. Simply log in each week and predict the results of upcoming Premier League matches.

Hmmm. Reminds me of something.....

You can play on your own, if you're into that kind of thing, or create a mini-league to go up against your best friends...

So, a league table of people playing against one another. Interesting.

Once you've registered, click on "enter your predictions" to choose your picks for upcoming Premier League matches. You get one point for a correct result, and three points for getting both the result and score right.

Good lord. Anyone think that sounds just a little bit too much like the game we've run here for, er, two seasons....?

Cheeky b*stards. (this is from the paper that has got the right hump that it's daily irreverent football e-mail The Fiver is now being, er, copied by the Times who are sending a daily irreverent football e-mail at 4pm...)

Anyway, the CUAS Predictions League hath returneth in the same incarnation as previously. One point for the correct result, three for the correct score. Wildcards aplenty, grand prix style scoring and El Tel is now Shane is the man to beat.

Without further ado:

Aston Villa 1-2 Liverpool
Bolton 0-0 Newcastle
Derby 2-2 Portsmouth
Everton 2-0 Wigan
Middlesbrough 0-1 Blackburn
Sunderland 1-2 Tottenham
West Ham 3-1 Man City
Arsenal 2-0 Fulham
Chelsea 2-0 Birmingham
Man Utd 2-1 Reading

and how will some of the promoted clubs fare in the big league?

Charlton 3-0 Scunthorpe
Luton 2-0 Hartlepool
Morecambe 1-1 Barnet

Carlos Tevez for West Ham Utd (vs Manchester Utd), 13 May 2007

Right then. As everyone knows, I'm not really very good at this... but it's become a bit of a tradition around these parts.

So. Here we go then.

ST's CUAS Predictions for the 2007/8 Premier League Season



1. Man Utd **Champions**

They may be pissing off their season ticket holders with their stealthy price rises, but the Glazers are certainly letting SAF invest in the team.... Hargreaves in particular should be crucial in adding a bit of ballast to a very attack-heavy team. The signing of Tevez could also be a masterstroke (match fitness permitting). How the hell do you go about marking a front three of Tevez, Rooney and Ronaldo? Mind you, am I the only one getting a bit bored of Ferguson’s feud with the BBC? Old Carlos is amusing enough, I suppose, but isn’t it a bit ridiculous that he’ll talk to that clown Gary Newbon at halftime in the Champions League, but won’t be interviewed by MotD?

One to watch: Michael Carrick. Two-footed, great passer of the ball and with something of an eye for goal...It should be interesting to see how he blossoms now he will be free of anchorman duties. Giggs and Scholes are also crucial.

Fantasy Football signing: blimey, take your pick. The defence will be tight and the forwards will be free scoring. I've gone for Patrice Evra myself.


2. Chelsea

Surprisingly frugal in the close season, and already looking like they might have an injury crisis on their hands... but you can hardly write them off. The same thing was true last year and they still managed to push Utd close. They do seem very reliant on Terry, Lampard and Drogba though, and with all three injured going into the start of the season, it should be interesting to see how they cope.

One to watch: Jose Mourinho. The special one looked on the edge of walking out a few times last season. He's apparently patched up his relationship with Abramovitch, but will he make the end of the season?

Fantasy Football signing: Plenty of people will opt for Terry, Lampard or Drogba, but I always go for Petr Cech. His injury last season cost Chelsea the title.

3. Liverpool

The new owners are certainly splashing the cash in an attempt to bridge the 21 points difference between them and Manchester Utd. Will Torres, Babel, Benayoun et al make any difference? Nah, they'll still finish 3rd. Expect a lot of bleating about history and tradition – as if this should somehow actually count for something in a title race.

One to watch: The real question is not where Liverpool will finish in the league, but how long will Rafa's beard last before he realises it is a catastrophic mistake...

FF signing: One of the defenders. Torres will be pricey and won't score enough goals.

4. Tottenham

This is a big season for Martin Jol. Spurs have made steady progress in the last few years, but with Arsenal's apparent slump, this looks like being their big chance to break into the top 4. Jol has been given time and money. If he doesn't do it this year, what odds on the Tony Soprano-a-like wearing a concrete overcoat and sleeping with the fishes?

One to Watch: Jermaine Defoe. If he doesn't get the hint and do one soon, he'll be getting a lot of splinters.

FF signing: Berbatov or Bent are worth a look, although both will be expensive. Should be some value in the defenders though. I've gone for Michael Dawson.

5. Arsenal

Interesting times at the Emirates. Thierry Henry limped and sulked his way to 11 goals last season and on the face of it will be very hard to replace. In practice though, the team might actually thrive now they have to look elsewhere for their inspiration. Fabregas is developing into one of the best midfielders in the world and players like Hleb, Gallas, Rosicky, Eboue, Adebayor and the like have a lot of quality.

One to watch: Arsene Wenger. It's a big season for the inscrutable one. Will his friend David Dein return with some new owners, or will this be the final stand of one of the Premier League's longest serving and most successful managers? Is it just me, or does he look a bit Belgian?

FF signing: Eboue has been playing on the wing in some pre-season friendlies. Could be worth a look as the defence is likely to be solid.

6. Everton

Everton under Moyes have seemed to lurch from good season to bad season and then back again. They did well last year, but I reckon they'll break the jinx this time around and push for Europe again this year. They've not signed much, but what they've signed looks like it could "do a job".

One to watch: Phil Jagielka. Where will he play? Full back? Centre Back? Midfield? Goal? Truly the MacGyver of footballers.

FF signing: Arteta. Lots of assists. Perhaps Cahill if he stays fit and plays as a second striker.

7. Blackburn

Blimey, doesn’t it seem like a long time since Sir Jack Walker and Alan Shearer were celebrating beating Man Utd to the title. Fifteen years, in fact, and they’ve been relegated since then too. Still, Mark Hughes seems to be doing a decent job, although they are quite dull, aren’t they? Still, I imagine they’ll be effective again this season, although quite how useful Roque Santa Cruz will be in the Premiership remains to be seen.

One to watch: Jason Roberts. He’s a funny sort of a player. He’s obviously extremely talented, but he’s promised much at a number of clubs before ultimately disappointing. He seems comfortable at Rovers, but with Santa Cruz joining the club and Benni McCarthy already there, he’s still got a lot to prove.

FF signing: David Bentley. The new Beckham?

8. Aston Villa

Martin O’Neill’s arrival last time seemed to be the most important thing to happen at Villa Park in years, and although his first season was one of steady rather than spectacular progress, perhaps we should expect more this year. Reo-Coker looks like a handy signing, but crucially O’Neill has now got his feet under the table… Mind you, I’m sure that the football will still be fairly functional with Harewood and John Carew forming a fairly muscular front two.

One to watch: Nigel Reo-Coker. After the season he’s just endured at West Ham, Reo-Coker has an awful lot to prove. If he’s left his Bentley at home, we should be fine.

FF signing: Gareth Barry. Solid points scorer with steady assists and the odd penalty. I’ve also got a soft spot for Olof Mellberg, for some reason.

9. Portsmouth

Surely they can’t do as well as they did last season? They’ve got a nightmare start with games against Arsenal, Chelsea, Man Utd and Liverpool in their first 6 games. Mind you, with David James, Sol Campbell and Linvoy Primus anchoring their defence again this year, who knows?

One to watch: David Nugent. He was by far and away the best striker in the Championship last season and scored on his full England debut… he’s clearly brave because he snubbed Roy Keane and a possible move to Sunderland, but is he going to cut it in the Premier League?

FF signing: Matty Taylor. He did brilliantly last year, partly because he was still being classified as a defender and thus benefited from all those clean sheet points…. But he also scored some absolutely cracking goals.

10. Newcastle

Surely the biggest news for Newcastle is that they have finally got rid of Fat Freddie Shepherd and in Big Sam Allardyce, they might finally have a manager with the drive and ambition to take them somewhere. As opening statements go, releasing Titus Bramble in your first week in charge will take some beating. Good riddance and a clear sign of things to come? “Ron” Geremi is a great signing, as is Mark Viduka… and if Michael Owen stays fit then who knows where they could go? What’s going on between the chairman and Big Sam though? Where are the really big signings? Why is Dyer still there?

One to watch: Shay Given. Always the key for Newcastle when they had such a shaky defence… perhaps he’ll have a bit of protection now?

FF signing: Geremi. Class act. Took free kicks for Chelsea, so should be some points there.

11. Reading

Steve Coppell is a genius. They were almost everyone’s favourites for relegation last year and they nearly got into Europe. They’ve lost Steven Sidwell to Chelsea, and not signed much, so will they be able to pull off the same trick this year?

One to watch: Coppell. He’s the one who makes the difference here.

FF signing: Kevin Doyle. Proven goalscorer.

12. Bolton

Little Sam has a tough act to follow in Big Sam, that much is for sure. We’re told that the rather robust Bolton style is going to be replaced by a shorter passing game, but frankly I’ll believe that when I see it. Kevin Davies and a fast, fluid passing game does not compute. Surely the only way is down?

One to watch: Gary Speed. He’s 37 years old and has just become the first team coach as well as the midfield lynchpin. Surely his presence in the side is absolutely critical for Sammy Lee getting his message across? How much longer can he keep going.

FF signing: Nicolas Anelka. If Bolton score many goals, surely many of them will come from here. Plus, you never know, he might end up back at Arsenal.

13. West Ham

I’m sure Alan Curbishley will just be delighted to put last season behind him, but surely things won’t be as bad this year? The signings of Scott Parker, Craig Bellamy and Freddie Ljunberg will surely help, but perhaps the biggest bonus of all is the return of Dean Ashton from injury. No Tevez this time though…. But surely they won’t need a miracle this term?

One to watch: Craig Bellamy. He’s quick and talented and sure to score goals. Mind you, he’ll be worth watching just to see how quickly he blows up and goes after one of his team mates with a golf club. If Kieron Dyer ever signs, it might be worth watching Lee Bowyer too… ding ding… round 2.

FF signing: Dean Ashton. The new Teddy Sheringham.

14. Middlesbrough

This is a big season for Gareth Southgate. He’s lost Viduka and is under pressure to sell Yakubu. How will he cope without the heaviest striking partnership in the league? Jonathan Woodgate has just been named as the worst signing in the history of the Spanish League (which seems harsh) but is clearly a critical figure for the club. Sadly, he’s injured again. I predict a difficult season.

One to watch: Gaizka Mendieta. Wasn’t this guy one of the best players in Europe? What the hell happened? Where is he? Why can’t he keep people like Lee Cattermole out of the side?

FF signing: Stewart Downing. Does he really want to be at Boro? Will he be an even better pick if he moves to somewhere like Spurs?

15. Sunderland

Or “Roy Keane’s Sunderland” as everyone refers to them. Of the promoted sides, they are comfortably the favourites to avoid the drop. Whether they can or not probably depends as much on the manager as it does on the players.

One to watch: Roy Keane. He’s confounded almost everyone with how he has carried himself as a manager, but how will he cope if his team struggles? He’s tried to sign a number of players and failed in pre-season and is the £9m signing of a Scottish goalkeeper an act of genius or of desperation? Time will tell. If he loses it, I imagine he will lose it big time.

FF signing: Kieron Richardson. He’s clearly a tit, but he is a decent player and will surely score a few goals.

16. Man City

A potential England manager is replaced by a former England manager and a new owner who is under investigation for corruption and human rights abuses. Somehow that seems about par for the course with City. Eriksson has splashed the cash, but it seems likely that most of the players haven’t even met the manager yet, never mind any of their colleagues. It could be a long season.

One to watch: Sven. Secretaries beware.

FF signing. Perhaps worth taking a punt on Bianchi. Italian strikers have a dreadful record in English football, but this guy got 18 in Serie A last year… so you never know, right?

17. Fulham

This is Laurie Sanchez’s big chance in the Premier League, and he gave up the Northern Ireland job to make the most of it. Still, his signings should make him feel right at home: Baird, Davies, Hughes and Healey were all members of the Norn Iron side that beat Spain. They only avoided relegation by a single point last season, and I imagine it could be more of the same again this time around.

One to watch: David Healy. Phenomenally successful for Northern Ireland but often starting off the bench with struggling Leeds. How will he take to the Premiership? The answer will be critical to Fulham’s chances.

FF signing: Jimmy Bullard. Not quite back from injury yet, but is capable of scoring a lot of goals from midfield. As he was out for most of last season, he should also be relatively cheap.

18. Birmingham

Steve Bruce did really well to get Birmingham out of the maelstrom of the Championship last year, and rumour has it he was inches from getting the boot at Christmas… but he hung on and his side came back strongly to clinch automatic promotion. What are their chances this year? Where are the signings? Where will the goals come from? A struggle ahead, I think.

One to watch: Gary McSheffrey. Once upon a time, the youngest player to appear in the Premier League (for Coventry, in 1999 and aged 16). He’s scored goals in the Championship and is a former England U-21 international. Can he make the step up?

FF signing. Hmm. Maik Taylor and Franck Quedrue are probably the best of a bad bunch, but you wouldn’t want to be relying on any clean sheet points. Forssell has done well in the past, I suppose.

19. Wigan

Wigan narrowly avoided relegation last year and the signing of Titus Bramble hardly fills me with any confidence that they’ll be able to avoid the drop again this year. Paul Jewell is another tough act to follow… and is Chris Hutchings really the man to do it?

One to watch: Titus Bramble. Once touted as an England defender in waiting, now just openly laughed at for his physique and his tendency to drop at least one bollock every single game. Perhaps the politest thing to say is that he has a lot to prove.

FF signing. Jason Koumas. Wigan’s most creative player by a mile and a genuine talent. Should get plenty of assists and is a decent outside bet to be the club’s top scorer too.

20. Derby

Hmm. I think this is going to be a long hard slog.

One to Watch: Billy Davies. Seems a bit combustible and threatened to walk out immediately after the play-off victory last season. Who knows what he’ll do when his side start losing? Of the players, Lee Holmes is the one that is tipped for the top.

FF signing: Robert Earnshaw is unpredictable, but has scored goals at this level before.

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To be honest though, your guess is as good as mine. One thing's for sure... I bet the Championship is a closer race! Could this finally be the year of the Old Gold? Super Freddie Eastwood for Golden Boot? Or 7th as usual?