Musing on this, I wondered if we could arrive at a Football Cocks Eleven. Not dirty players, not cheating players. In fact, no real criteria at all other than the fact that a given player seems like a complete tool.
Shall I start with an XI and we'll tweak it as necessary?
The Football Cocks Eleven
sub: Cristiano Ronaldo (I can't quite find him as big a cock as those other four midfielders)
manager: Graeme Souness (I'd have Mick McCarthy, personally)
chairman: Sam Hammam
The specific criteria here is not that players are cheating and dirty, necessarily (hence the absence of the Portuguese), just that they seem like a cock. I appreciate that it's not the most tangible criteria ever, but you know what I mean. Alan Shearer might be a dirty so and so that elbowed his way through an entire career, but I am not sure he is a cock in the way that, say, Bowyer is, is he?