Matthew Jansen for Blackburn Rovers (v Tottenham Hotspur), 24 February 2002

Ah, so here we are again. My apologies for the delay in this - I spent ages trying to get a little interview with my choice (to no avail). Anyway....

The A-Z Of Football

J is for.....James Taylor (greatest hits) - (Skif)

When you think of James Taylor, you might think of one of folk rock’s more agreeable troubadours [see left. Apparently "You're So Vain was written about him - Ed]. When I think of James Taylor, I think of a chant: “Suuuuuuper, Super Jim, Super Jimmy Tayyyyy-lor!”

Every club has their legends, whether this is for performances on the field, or simply a demeanour that warrants them a cult status. Despite being only about to enter our tenth season as a club, we at Havant & Waterlooville have already got quite a few. Paul Wood (chant: “Woody, Woody” to tune of ‘Tom Hark’) for a start, an ex-pro at Sheffield United and Brighton, for belying his advancing years dancing round full-backs half his age. Then there was Tim Hambley, the ‘cockney midfield genius’, who once celebrated a teammates goal on a particularly wet afternoon by picking up and welting a sopping divot at one of our fans. I wouldn’t be surprised if the coat worn that day remains unwashed and in a giant frame above said fans fireplace.

Tim (chant: “Oh Timmy Timmy…” to the tune of Chicory Tip’s ‘Son Of My Father’) once missed from two inches out in front of a literally empty goal at Ilkeston Town, when he could more easily have let the ball continue to bobble towards the net, but instead performed an implausible trick shot off the post and away towards the half-way line. Despite this, Timmy is arguably the ultimate Hawk cult hero thus far.

James Taylor, now he gets in to the legend bracket for a very simple reason. Not a tricksy player of pedigree like Woody, nor a box-to-box heroic, defence-splitting pass-master with a winning smile like Tim. However he is both our record appearance maker, and top goalscorer, by some considerable margin. 138 goals in 254 appearances (plus 41 as a sub), thus deserving of due reverence, I’m sure you’ll agree.

However, as supporters, we need a hook for the stats, something to cement them into a permanent nostalgic memorial. Nobody says, ‘ahh, do you remember when Jim scored a load of goals that season’. There needs to be a moment. Thankfully, Jim was able to deliver that, and for ‘that’ we ignore the fact that now in opposition we can, ‘all of a sudden’, ahem, be alive to his endless whining and willingness to go down easy in the box. We’ll also ignore his two goals for Basingstoke Town back in January that consigned us to defeat.

So, what is the ultimate a player can do to enter eternally into the affections of notoriously fickle football supporters then? Flipping a solid bird in the direction of a set of opposition supporters who can only deal in negative, rather than supportive, singing? We might say we can’t condone it. Through a giggle as poorly disguised as a hungover Mexican wrestler struggling to tie his mask around his knee. Perhaps it needs to be more than just a mid-digit raised so firmly the fist beneath shakes like a pneumatic drill. Buying a round for supporters in the bar after a game, of course, does get you brownie points. Thanks again for that pint, Timmy.

How about this though. You’re at home to your rivals. Lets call them Weymouth. You’re 2-0 down at thirty-five minutes. The away support is singing: “Can we play you every week?” A gloom descends over the West Leigh Park regulars. Then.

44th minute. CRASH! Ball drops over Jamie O’Rourke from Chris Ferrett’s cross and Taylor welts it home. 1-2.

68th minute. BANG! Timmy heads the ball on and Jim scoops out a half-volley. 2-2.

78th minute. WHUP! Jimmy finishes off Neil Davis and Jamie O’Rourke’s move, claiming yet another matchball (he nabbed eight during his six years with us, and one of those was a four-goal trilogy). The Bartons Road End terrace rocked like it never had, as though battered by a hurricane. 3-2. “Can we play you every week” by way of delayed mirror riposte. Rivals sent home to Dorset with their tails packed beneath the scarves that had been grumpily removed from the back seat windows and stored in the car boot.

So, like I say, Jimmy had his moment.

*Memory of Weymouth game (16th March 2002) jogged by Rich Self’s excellent match report.

J is for... Junior Lewis (Ian)

Junior Lewis (b. Wembley, October 1973) is the most inept player ever to feature in the English top flight by some considerable margin, even allowing for George Weah's "cousin" at Southampton.

I first encountered him playing in the conference for Dover Athletic. Their manager at the time was about to be poached by England for the Under 21s. He was, even at this level of comedy football, outclassed. He left Dover for the backwaters of Hendon, but was plucked from obscurity by Gillingham (manager: P. Taylor) in 1999.

Gillingham's Brian Moore's Head claims that "the team played better with [Lewis] in the side", which can only be explained by the truism that it's harder to play against ten men. They describe him, more accurately, as "never looking comfortable on the ball", and note that his goals against Oxford and Scunthorpe were, kindly, dubious.

From there he made the leap to the giddy heights of the premiership with Leicester (manager: P. Taylor). Leicester were, consequently, relegated, and Junior scored his only Leicester goal against his former charges in a 2-0 win over Gillingham. After their relegation and appalling start to the following season, Taylor had been sacked.

So it was no surprise that Leicester decided to offload some of their squad, and Lewis was farmed out to Brighton on loan (manager: P. Taylor), who sent him back once Taylor resigned, and Junior was farmed out on loan to Swindon, until Hull City appointed a new manager (one P. Taylor) and Lewis was off to the North.

And just this month, Taylor has been appointed manager of non-league Stevenage Borough. My money's on Junior Lewis joining up with Titus Bramble's brother and the excellently named John Nutter at Broadhall Way before the year is out.

Has any other player played for so many different clubs under the same manager? Steve McClaren's only redeeming feature is that he is unlikely to call Lewis up to the England squad. That's why Peter Taylor should never be allowed to manage England. One question remains though: Did Peter Taylor visit Wembley in January 1973, or is there any other explanation for his faith in Junior?

J is for..........Jossy's Giants (Paul)

"Glipton Jossy's Giants, Football's Just a branch of science, Head the ball now, Jossy's scored, [Dum Dum] Jossy's Giants"

As I'm sure many of you recall, Jossy's Giants was a kids TV show written by commentating legend Sid Waddell, which chartered the progress of a kids football team who were massive underachievers (the Glipton Grasshoppers - who sported a pretty awful orange kit), whose fortunes were transformed by the help of ex-pro Jossy Blair who brought regime change to the team in terms of training, fitness, and kit (black and white stripes - the colours nature intended) whilst also boosting team morale (a bit like Arsene Wenger when he first arrived at Arsenal, but without the black and white stripes).

The team itself was packed full of stereotypes: flash striker (check), dependable midfielder (check), gangly keeper (check), token female supporter (check), and I suspect if I watched it today I might cringe.

However, when I watched it first time round, I was young, a Geordie (like Jossy) and a massive lover of football (some things never change), and so a programme about kids, featuring a Geordie which included football was my idea of televisual heaven. It also highlighted the dangers of gambling, as Jossy's love of the horses invariable saw his tattered betting slip blowing across the street at the end of each episode, a lesson studiously ignored by countless footballers.

For the theme tune alone, it remains a rightly revered classic of the children's televisual genre, in my head anyway.

J is for....Judas (Ben)

Football always was far more than “just” a game. But now, increasingly and inevitably, it finds itself at the centre of political initiatives founded on the premise that sport in general can be instrumental in bringing about positive social change. Sport, so the theory goes, can help to bring people together, to create a cohesive community. Indeed it can – but perhaps what the policy-makers are forgetting is that, in football at least, that community is always strongly defined (or defines itself) in opposition to an Other.

After all, football is all about tribal allegiances and rivalries, solidarity and difference, sympathy and antipathy – like it or loathe it, that’s what gives it its edge, its dynamic. Wearing a shirt is an assertion not only of your own affiliation to a particular team but also, by implication, of your opposition to others. Chants belted out with gusto from the stands and terraces are almost as often vitriol vented at other teams as they are encouragement for the fans’ own. And nothing unites an already partisan crowd in hatred quite like a Judas.

Some players leave clubs with dignity intact, their efforts and achievements having endeared them to the supporters to such an extent that they’re weighed down with goodwill on their departure. But others slink off with nary a thought for those who used to pay their wages and cheer them on week in week out, lured by the footballing equivalent of thirty pieces of silver and often foolishly sounding off about the club they’ve just left. The results are predictable.

Witness the glee with which I and my fellow Newcastle fans greeted Jermaine Jenas’s abysmal display with chants of “3-1 to the fishbowl” at St James’s Park last month – he won’t be living down his comments any time soon. But that didn’t compare to the treatment dished out to Gazza on his return to the North East with Spurs, when Mars Bars with bits of razor blade embedded in them were allegedly lobbed onto the pitch by an unsavoury element of our crowd unable to draw the line.

Jenas’s Spurs colleague Jermain Defoe is something of a serial Judas, having left Charlton for West Ham under a cloud as a youngster and then jumped the sinking Hammers ship in 2003, famously submitting a transfer request the day after his side had succumbed to relegation. No wonder Upton Park always reserves him a very special welcome.

And then there are the players who’ve committed the ultimate sin in the eyes of supporters – walking out on them to sign up for their bitterest rivals. Do hate figures come much larger than Sol Campbell when he plays at White Hart Lane, even now that he’s no longer lining up for Arsenal? Figo, the darling of Barcelona, joining Real Madrid caused similar ructions. Truly, Hell hath no fury like a football fan scorned.

So, politicians take heed: such moves may have united fans, but only in a solidarity of hatred. There was no bridge-building between rival factions. Perhaps the conclusion to be drawn, then, is that looking to football to help heal social divisions and create community may be like pouring water on a chip pan fire.

J is for .... Jumpers for Goalposts (Swiss Toni)

The reason that football is the biggest and most popular game in the world is simple: even if you have nothing you can still play it. Unlike many other sports, you don't need any equipment before you can play. All you need is a ball, or something that you can use as a ball, and you're away. Other players are great, of course, but when it comes down to it, you don't even really need them. All you need is a "ball" and a bit of imagination. I doubt there can be many people in the world who haven't dribbled something in front of them...a pebble, a tin can, a ball of paper, whatever... and pretended that they were about to score the winning goal in the FA Cup Final or the World Cup Final or some other crucial footballing occasion. It must be one of the great shared human experiences: there's the dribble, the shot and then the wheeling celebration as your "ball" hits the back of the imaginary net.

At its very heart, football is all about this pure expression of joy.

From there, it's a short step to having a proper game. You still don't need any expensive gear, just a couple of mates and somewhere to shoot at... this might be a proper goal, but it could equally be the side of a house, the front of a garage, some bollards in a car park, between two bags.... anything. You simply use what you have to hand and you've got a game.

Whether you are playing at Wembley, the Nou Camp or in your local park, football is essentially the same, simple, brilliant game.

For all that football at the highest level is dominated by big business and is played by pampered multi-millionaires, the core of the game is and always will be sustained by those untold millions having informal kickabouts in the park or out on the street.

I think Ron Manager said it best:

"All skills learnt in the park? You know, small boys? Jumpers for goalposts? Mmm? Ha! Secretly rolling the ball in dog's muck and getting your friend to head it? Hmm? Enduring image, isn't it? Enduring smell. Rush goalie. Two at the back, three in the middle, four up front, one's gone home for his tea. Beans on toast? Possibly, don't quote me on that. Marvellous."

Football, isn't it? Marvellous.

J is for....Jansen (LB)

I have a favourite player of the Premiership era. And he doesn’t belong to my own club. Indeed, he is probably most famous for turning down the chance to join them…

Matthew Brooke Jansen broke into the Carlisle United first team aged 18 and immediately caught the attention of higher division scouts. He turned down a £1million move to Manchester United in 1998 preferring to join Crystal Palace and a year later joined Premiership Blackburn Rovers for £4.1million.

He scored 44 goals in 153 Blackburn appearances, was the Championship top scorer in 2000/1 and scored in the 2002 League Cup Final as Rovers beat Spurs 2-1.

I don’t know what I liked the most about Jansen. Supremely talented, he was skilful and effective, but not flamboyant and inconsistent like some of his peers. He was a prolific goalscorer without being a poacher – a Yorke rather than a Cole, if you like.

He was also the very-nearly man of England’s 2002 World Cup campaign. Struggling to fill the “problem” position on England’s left wing, Sven-Goran Eriksson turned to Jansen as a surprise call-up for the England squad to play Paraguay in a friendly in April 2002. A stomach upset meant Jansen missed that match and, reluctant to take an uncapped player untried at international level (a methodology spectacularly eschewed by the selection of Theo Walcott in 2006), Eriksson left Jansen out of his squad. I remain utterly convinced that a good performance in that friendly and Jansen would have been on the plane to Japan.

Indeed, and bizarrely, his omission from that squad not only cost him his football career but also nearly his life. Instead of joining the England squad in the Far East, Jansen spent the summer holidaying in Rome where a motorcycle accident left the striker in a coma for four days fighting for his life. He spent months in hospital and, whilst he regained something approaching full fitness, he never fully recovered mentally from the accident. He attempted to kick-start his career back at Blackburn, on loan at Coventry City and latterly with Bolton Wanderers but, despite time with an American sports psychiatrist, he never fully recovered.

He was 24 at the time of the accident. Despite a good few seasons, we were prevented from seeing the floppy-haired striker in the prime of his career where I am convinced he would have won England caps and gone on to represent one of the very big English clubs. His sweet left foot, talent and the style with which he played would have made him a household name.

I was lucky enough to see Jansen in action at Ewood Park during his pomp where the home crowd absolutely adored him. If had had signed for United, not fallen ill on the eve of an England game or flown to Japan in 2002, it could all have been so very different. Instead, we get to celebrate the career of one of the most talented players that nearly but never quite made it big.

J is for.....Johnny Metgod (Shane)

Memory - a funny thing. Looking back at my football-loving childhood self, I can’t quite recall when or why I fell for Nottingham Forest. In fact, Nottingham Forest equalled romance (a feeling since diminished). To this day, I have a lot of time – in fact, I often make it for them - for Roy Keane, Stuart Pearce, Nigel Clough, and co., who made up the Forest that I so admired. Beyond the aforementioned, there were less conspicuous additions to that era’s squad - Webb, Walker, Woan, Starbuck, Crosby, and Carr, to name but… six. One more though, stays with me. Through a haze of 21 years, I see Johnny Metgod and a free kick against West Ham in 1986.

I still recall the television set that I was watching as the late night highlights programme – with commentary from Brian Moore - broadcast Nottingham Forest versus West Ham. The Metgod goal - stunning – not only for the continually rising trajectory of the ball, as it hit the top centre of Phil Parkes’ net, but for so much else - the proud hairlessness, the arm-wagging celebration, and the profound embarrassing-uncleness of everything that I could see in this odd-looking odd-sounding Dutchman – Metgod – pronounced Met-hod. He was so European, he was so Forest, he was so romance. And that, it seemed, was that.

I have no other recollection of him - despite his playing over 100 games for the club. In fact, until a moment ago, his move to Spurs had completely fallen beneath my radar. In fact, other than thirty seconds of one match at the City Ground, Metgod did not register for me - he was never there, he was gone. Yet despite this, even now as a free kick is awarded – 20 to 35 yards from goal, dead centre – I‘m back in 1986, and there’s a strange man with a naff celebration showcasing the ultimate in unstoppable free-kicks, and my mum is shouting to me to turn off the TV as it’s school tomorrow. Some things stick – J is for one very particular moment in the life of Johnny Metgod.

........................................

I should point fans of Sid Waddell's genius football show here. Proper telly, that.

Cristiano Ronaldo for Manchester United (v Portsmouth), 30 January 2008

I cast a glance over Fabio Capello's first England squad today, and reading the list I was overwhelmed by quite how, well, average it is.

Honestly, take a look. It's really a bit thin and not terribly inspiring....

Birmingham 2-1 Derby
Blackburn 1-1 Everton
Liverpool 2-0 Sunderland
Man City 1-2 Arsenal
Portsmouth 0-1 Chelsea
Reading 2-1 Bolton
Tottenham 1-1 Man Utd
Wigan 1-1 West Ham
Fulham 1-2 Aston Villa
Newcastle 2-1 Middlesbrough

We'll stay in the Football League this week, I think:

Blackpool 0-0 Leicester
Carlisle 1-1 Walsall
Rochdale 1-2 Peterborough

Felipe Melo for Almeria (v Valencia), 27 January 2008

I tell you, Ronald Koeman's a managerial legend.

He did a reasonable job at Vitesse Arnhem which got him the Ajax job. Despite a promising start, he left Ajax trailing in the wake of PSV when he left and headed for Benfica, where he guided them to third (which, lets face it, is the worst possible finish for a big club in Portugal). He then headed back to PSV where he almost contrived to throw away a 12 point lead, winning the title on goal difference.

I saw some of that season. I could have guided PSV to the title.

He also famously played Liverpool in the Champions League at home without a recognised striker in his starting XI.

This Hoddlesque CV got him the Valencia job on 31 October 2007. Koeman won his first game in charge, and that's where the honeymoon ended. His Valencia side have now not won a league game since 10th November. Seven defeats and three draws in the last ten games, including three consecutive defeats have left the Bats in eleventh place, a massive 26 points off Real Madrid and only five off the relegation places. For Spain's third biggest side, a G14 member with an excellent recent European pedigree, it's way off being good enough, but for those who have followed Koeman's managerial career, no surprise at all.

Rubbish.

Joe Cole for Chelsea (v Everton), 23 January 2008

It's FA Cup time this weekend, and so the hapless thrashing around with numbers gets even less scientific this week.

up the 'Looville!

Arsenal 2-1 Newcastle
Coventry 2-0 Millwall
Derby 2-0 Preston
Liverpool 3-0 Havant and Waterlooville
Mansfield 0-2 Middlesbrough
Peterborough 1-2 West Brom
Portsmouth 2-0 Plymouth
Southampton 3-0 Bury
Wigan 0-1 Chelsea
Manchester Utd 2-1 Tottenham Hotspur

and some wildcards from the African Cup of Nations

Cameroon 2-1 Zambia
Egypt 4-0 Sudan
Tunisia 2-1 South Africa

[coming soon: the A-Z of Football returns....]

Jamie Collins for Havant and Waterlooville (v Swansea City), 16 January 2008

[the return of super Kev is celebrated here]

Predictions are in this e-mail - please scroll down.....

Some of you may be unaware that one of our long-term CUAS contributors, predictions league competitors and A-Z of Football gurus, Skif, is a fan of non-league footie. His superb website Hobo Tread details his experiences of all brands of football with great comedy and insight.

What you probably don't know is that, whilst being a generic football fan, he is also a very specific fan of Isthmian league side Havant and Waterlooville.

Not content with having their fifteen minutes of fame in last seasons FA Cup by reaching the first round proper and drawing the relative giants of Millwall, this season they have exceeded everyone's wildest expectations by eliminating York City, the oldest team in the League and the current League One leaders.

Now, they're off to Anfield for a fourth round tie with Liverpool.

Having someone we "know"'s small non-league outfit go on a Cup run such as this has been brilliant, and I found myself cheering loudly during goal flashes from West Leigh Park last night. It's easy to be a vicarious supporter of underdogs in Cup competitions; the fact one of our own is involved ups the ante several-fold.

An upset will be the longest odds seen in football for years, but I sincerely hope the players and fans have a bloody marvellous trip to Anfield and put up a great show. If they beat the five times European Cup winners, they should stop the tournament then and give them the trophy.

*insert "magic of the Cup" cliches here*

Anyway, predictions ahoy:

Birmingham 0-2 Chelsea
Blackburn 2-1 Middlesbrough
Fulham 1-1 Arsenal
Newcastle 3-0 Bolton
Portsmouth 2-0 Derby
Reading 1-3 Man Utd
Tottenham 2-0 Sunderland
Man City 1-1 West Ham
Wigan Athletic 0-1 Everton
Liverpool 2-1 Aston Villa

and let's have some wildcards from La Liga (there's a proper exciting league. Seven points separates Valencia in 7th with Osasuna in 18th).

Atletico Madrid 1-1 Real Madrid
Real Zaragoza 2-1 Murcia
Valladolid 1-1 Espanyol

Kevin Keegan for Newcastle (vs Queens Park Rangers), 28 August 1982

I see that Kevin Keegan's Soccer Circus ("A unique and exciting visitor attraction for the whole family...[aiming to] engage visitors in a series of fun challenges culminating in an incredible final game, kicking footballs in a fully automated, fully themed football shooting range.") is opening a new branch just south of the border then.

I think the Newcastle Utd official website puts it best:

"Breaking News: King Kev To Make Toon Return

Geordie messiah Keegan to be unveiled as new United manager."

Messiah, no less. No excitement or expectation there then.

Would they be getting so excited if Gerrard Houllier had been named? I don't think so.

If Alan Shearer is named as his assistant, I don't think there will be a dry eye in the house.

Brilliant news for the general entertainment value of the Premier League.... the quality of post-match interviews with the manager will definitely improve anyway.

Great news.

Gary MacDonald for Oldham Athletic (v Everton), 5 January 2008

So, we've taken our winter break and we're back refreshed and raring to go.

Eh?

oh.

I've updated the tables, though! If there was money on this, the bookies would have paid out on Shane already....

Arsenal 2-0 Birmingham
Aston Villa 2-1 Reading
Chelsea 1-1 Tottenham
Derby 1-0 Wigan
Everton 2-1 Man City
Man Utd 2-0 Newcastle
Middlesbrough 0-0 Liverpool
West Ham 2-0 Fulham
Bolton 1-1 Blackburn
Sunderland 1-1 Portsmouth

and it's the Scottish Cup! Really, it is!

Cove Rangers 0-2 Ross County
Hearts 2-1 Motherwell
Morton 1-2 Gretna

Sam Allardyce (for Bolton Wanderers) vs York City, 26th October 1974

I honestly don't know what disgusts me more about Sam Allardyce's sacking.

-> The fact that Newcastle Utd are 11th in the Premier League with 26 points in 21 games. We're just over halfway through the season. It's not a great start, but it's hardly disastrous.

-> The fact that the owner of the club and the Managing Director have repeatedly said that Allardyce's job was safe and that they were in it for the long term, that they knew it might take some time for their patience to bear some fruit.

-> The fact that Allardyce was only given 8 months in charge before his sacking

-> The fact that the fans (urged on by press and the media) began to chant against their own manager in the very early stages of the season. I'm sure that can only have helped the manager and the team

-> The fact that the club let him give a press conference detailing his plans for the club on the very same day that he was dismissed

-> The fact they let him spend something like £26m during his stay but weren't prepared to wait for that investment to mature. They'd rather start again with another manager with different plans

-> The fact that apparently the club are apparently seriously considering replacing this experienced and (relatively) successful manager with someone who might be a club legend, but who has absolutely no practical management experience and is even crap when talking about the game on Match of the Day

-> The fact that since they sacked Bobby Robson (who had led the club back into the top 4 in the league and whose only crime appeared to be a poor-ish start to the season) in August 2004, the club has gone through another 3 managers (and 2 caretakers) and managed a best league finish of 7th. Last season they finished 13th. The facts tell us that they are a mediocre side at best. How is their current position false, exactly?

-> The fact that, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, the club and their fans seem to think that they have a right to be in the top 4, winning trophies and playing beautiful football.... and they are happy to blame every successive manager who fails to change the deep-rooted malaise at the club the very instant they arrive

-> The fact that a club this unsuccessful seems to place a greater premium on the concept of "good football" than they do on "winning football"

-> 11 managers in 11 years. Says it all. Arsenal have made do with just the one in that period. As have Manchester Utd.

-> etc.

I know that there's a lot of money at stake in the Premier League, but really, is this any way to run a business? Is all of this chopping and changing going to be for Newcastle Utd's long term benefit?

Who are the most consistently successful clubs in the country? Manchester United and Arsenal. Is it purely coincidence, do you think, that they are also the ones with the longest serving managers? Manchester United's loyalty to Alex Ferguson in particular is worth noting: the board's patience with their new manager and his sticky start has been repaid a hundred times. Perhaps those 8 Premier League clubs who have changed their managers should have paid a little more attention to that fact.

Newcastle United appear to be run by a committee of idiots. I thought this would change with the departure of Fat Freddie Shepherd, but apparently not.

Football makes me despair sometimes, it really does.

Chris Brass for Darlington (v Bury), 22 April 2006

101 Great Goals #53 - Chris Brass

Great goals come in all shapes and sizes. Long-range, acrobatic, skilful, mazy. This one is absolutely none of those, whatsoever. "Great" in terms of superlative ability it may not be, "great" in terms of "brilliant" it most assuredly is.

In fact, I'm not sure there is a better word to describe this than "great".

Carlos Tevez for Manchester United (v Birmingham City), 1 January 2008

Seven years after Roy Keane's famous "prawn sandwiches" rant, Fergie's been at it this time, comparing the atmosphere at yesterdays United game to "a funeral". Accusing the supporters of "letting down the team", Fergie continued by saying "It was so quiet....I don't think that helped us. The players need the crowd sometimes but the atmosphere inside the ground wasn't good."

Can no-one at United put two and two together and work out what some of us have been telling them for years?

Anyway, I've sent Sir Alex a note.

Dear Sir Alex

I read with interest your comments pursuant to the United v Birmingham match on New Years Day where you criticise the home crowd for their lack of support during the game.

Rather than taking out your frustration at a limp performance on the fans, I think it would be prudent to consider the overriding reasons why the atmosphere in the ground may be less vocal than in recent years.

The pricing policy of the Club over recent seasons, culminating in a 15% increase in season ticket prices and the implementation of the hated "automatic cup ticketing scheme" have been the straw that broke the camels back for thousands of loyal, dedicated United supporters. The season ticket renewal rate amongst loyal supporters has been lower this season than for many, many years and the Club has managed to successfully drive away a great swathe of its long-term support in favour of itinerant corporate supporters.

With the best will in the world it is the fans brought up with the club - my mother and I cancelled our season tickets in protest this season after a combined eighty odd years support - that are the vocal, enthusiastic supporters at games. A series of carefully considered policies at Board level has contributed to the decline in the Club's "everyman" support. By focusing on those more able to afford expensive ticket prices and on corporate guests, it follows that these customers (as I believe we should call them these days) are going to have a very different experience at a home United game than the loyal fan they replace.

I can't believe that you can be naive enough to ignore the Club's gradual alienation of it's core support as a contributing factor to the lack of atmosphere. By all means claim this as a reason, but then direct your vitriol at the Board members who implement and maintain these policies as they are the ones who prefer the £40 plus from irregular "football tourists" than the cash of the United faithful. Any corporate guests or Japanese tourists know the words to "We are the pride of all Europe...."? No, I didn't think so.

Yours

LB

It's going bloody mad, football. It really is.

[thanks to Ian for the link]

Phil O'Donnell for Motherwell (v Kilmarnock), 24 November 2007

In these days where football is lauded as being more athletic, faster and more physically challenging than ever, the most serious and tragic repercussion of this is the number of player deaths.

Today saw the untimely and premature death of Motherwell captain and Scotland international Phil O'Donnell at the end of his clubs' 5-3 win over Dundee United.

2007 has, by my reckoning and according to this Wikipedia article, been the worst year in history for football player deaths and the 2000s the worst decade. A Brazilian, Cristiano Junior, the Zambian Chaswe Nsofwa, the young Spanish international Antonio Puerta and now O'Donnell have died during matches this year. This is on top of incidents such as Clive Clarke's collapse during the Forest v Leicester cup tie earlier this year.

Whilst the cause of this latest tragedy is as yet unknown, heart failure has accounted for the vast majority of similar cases (the exceptions being two Colombian players killed by being hit by bolts of lightning within three days of one another in 2004 ). Assuming medicine in football and general player care is better than it's ever been, is it the changing nature of the game that's responsible for this increase in fatalities?

Of course, days like this reinforce the fact that it's simply a stupid game of twenty two people kicking a ball about. The thoughts of everyone in the game should be with the Scotsman's family and friends tonight.

Carlos Tevez for Manchester United (v Liverpool), 16 December 2007

Er, just to say that there won't be any predictions here until the New Year due to it being Christmas and there being 4.3 gazillion fixtures between now and then.

Right-o. Excellent.

Let's hope Fabio wasn't watching Grand Slam Sunday, eh? (Grand Slam? Were there four major international tournaments in football on the same weekend just gone, then? I must have missed that....) Both games were cagey, kick-and-rush low-quality rubbish with two goals and practically zero skill. Contrast to the Eredivisie game a couple of weeks ago that was a brilliant Feyenoord 2-2 Ajax draw with goals, a red card, plenty of enthusiasm and no small level of talent.

Dutch football v English football? I'll take Roda Kerkrade every day (Raymond Attaveld off of Everton off of the early 90's is their manager, by the way. Ray Attaveld! I know!)

Fabio Capello for Italy (vs England), 14 November 1973

It's a bit early, I know but..... Predictions anyone?

Birmingham 2-1 Reading
Derby 1-1 Middlesbrough
Fulham 1-0 Newcastle
Man City 2-1 Bolton
Portsmouth 2-1 Tottenham
Sunderland 0-1 Aston Villa
West Ham 2-2 Everton
Wigan 0-1 Blackburn
Arsenal 1-1 Chelsea
Liverpool 2-1 Man Utd

wildcards from some of Fabio Capello's old clubs

Lazio 1-1 Juventus
Torino 0-1 AS Roma
Real Madrid 2-1 Osasuna

(yes, I admit it.... I'm away from a computer for the next few days and wanted to get my predictions in early!)

Djibril Cisse for Marseille (v Besiktas), 18 September 2007

Gabriel Clarke off of ITV was running through the line-ups for tonight's Marseille v Liverpool match. In the kitchen, my wife was pottering around making the dinner.

"Did he just say there was a player called Jibberish Seaside?"

Arturo Lupoli for Italy (v Czech Republic), 8 July 2018

I'm excited today as I have done something I have only ever done twice before in eleven years of playing the Championship Manager series; I have won the World Cup.

After years as manager of AC Milan including two Champions League titles, I was invited to take over the reins of the Italian national side. Consecutive 3-0 friendly wins put the side in good form for the tournament, and then I sprung a surprise by selecting an uncapped keeper for the opening match.

The form in the group stage was poor - a 0-0 draw against Spain was followed by a narrow 2-1 victory over Saudi Arabia. A draw was enough in the final game and a 0-0 stalemate with the Ivory Coast secured qualification.

A confident 3-1 win over a talented French side and a straightforward 3-1 victory over the Uruguayans led to a semi-final showdown with Colombia. The first half was a cat and mouse affair and the sides went in 0-0 at the interval. However, a change in attacking focus and a team growing in belief brushed aside the South Americans in the second half recording a one-sided 4-0 victory with two goals from Antonino Lazzari.

The other semi-final saw the Czech Republic beat England on penalties (art imitating life) and so an all European final would decide the fate of the 2018 World Cup. I stuck with my trusted "first choice" eleven that had served me so well.

1. Paolo Ferri (Messina)
2. Antonio Barbieri (AC Milan)
3. Gaetano Oliva (Juventus) - captain
4. Guiseppe Palermo (Juventus)
5. Guiseppe Maffei (Manchester City)
6. Matteo Messina (Arsenal)
7. Paolo Milani (Middlesbrough)
8. Antonino Lazzari (Atalanta)
9. Michele Catalano (Arsenal)
10. Massimiliano Bruno (Brescia)
11. Arturo Lupoli (Newcastle Utd)

18. Christian Corvino (Lazio) for 7. Milani
19. Davide Catalano (Juventus) for 10. Bruno
20. Gennaro Franceschini (Atalanta) for 11. Lupoli

For an hour, it was a close affair with Italy slightly on top. On 63 minutes, Arturo Lupoli ran onto Catalano's excellent through ball, rounded Petr Cech and put Italy ahead. In an attempt to close out a win, I threw on three subs with ten minutes to go, but an injury time from Czech winger Petr Zavadil sent the tie into extra time. Neither side could find a winner and 1-1 was how it ended.

A nail-biting penalty shootout saw both teams score their first effort, before an amazing seven consecutive misses. It was left to Arsenal midfielder Michele Catalano to sidefoot an effort past Cech and to secure a 2-1 shootout win for the Italians, and a fifth World title.

The Italian FA were quick and lavish in their praise for me, as I joined the hall of fame of legendary Italian managers. And all that with only one of my "own" Milan players and half a starting eleven playing their football in the Premier League. That how it's going to be in a decade, you think....?

Matthew Amoah for NAC Breda (v Ajax), 2 December 2007

[What a lovely fella Joey Barton is...]

Predictions time, compadres...

Aston Villa 2-1 Portsmouth
Chelsea 3-0 Sunderland
Everton 2-0 Fulham
Man Utd 4-0 Derby
Newcastle 2-0 Birmingham
Reading 0-2 Liverpool
Blackburn 2-1 West Ham
Bolton 1-1 Wigan
Middlesbrough 0-2 Arsenal
Tottenham 1-0 Man City

and lets have a jaunt to the brilliant Eredivisie:

Excelsior 1-3 NAC
Vitesse 1-1 FC Twente
Heerenveen 2-1 FC Groningen

Joey Barton for Manchester City (v Tottenham Hotspur), 18 April 2003

Over the past few years, Scouse idiot Joey Barton has had more than his fair share of tabloid press. In at attempt to try and launch some sort of charm offensive, the Newcastle United (and, lest we forget, England midfielder) agreed an interview with the toothless Gabby Logan on yesterday's "Inside Sport".

Barton has long been a perfect example to those who think that footballers are all overpaid layabouts with more money than sense. There have been other examples (Ashley Young's pre-match rituals are the most recent antics to hit the headlines) but there can't have been a more consistent idiot in the history of the Premier League.

Off the top of one's head, let's see. The stubbing out of a cigar in a team-mate's face. Being sent home of a pre-season tour for hitting a fifteen year old boy before a fight with his team-mate in a hotel bar. Breaking a pedestrian's leg in a car accident. Flashing his arse to a section of the Everton faithful after an away game. Arrest and an impending court case for ABH against a team-mate in a training session. Three cousins and one brother in prison on assorted assault, GBH and murder counts.

Nice fella, this one.

Eschewing a golden opportunity to present himself as a likeable scally, regretful and penitent, he spent the whole interview defending his actions and portraying himself as a victim of circumstance and of press focus. On more than one occasion, he could be heard complaining about the fact that the press pick on him over certain incidents which perhaps they wouldn't with other players. "I know it's becuase of my reputation", he says, without accepting in the slightest that his catalogue of immature and inane behaviour is exactly the thing that has generated this reputation in the first place.

Rather than presenting himself as a victim - an easy target for the tabloids - he could easily have started to rebuild or alter his well-earned reputation by being conciliatory, taking responsibility for his mistakes and being remorseful about them.

Instead, he defended himself and seems to be in some sort of delusional denial that he's ever done anything wrong. He's prepared to go to prison to defend the allegations that he assualted team-mate Ousmane Dabo, he did hit the 15 year old but it was all in self-defence, he bit Richard Dunne after Dunne tried to make him apologise to the boy and whilst the boys father was punching him. All completely innocent scenarios blown out of proportion by the tabloid press.

I didn't like Barton before, and I certainly don't like him now. I understand he is receiving counselling from Tony Adams' institute about his behaviour, but a leopard rarely changes his spots. Whatever he might claim, through a series of moronic and violent acts he has built a reputation for being a troublemaker, and if this weeks attack on his own home support is anything to go by, he isn't likely to change any time soon.

I know that the reality is that no-one in football really cares about morals, especially if you're a half decent player. As with a lot of professions, though, it is the actions of a small minority that cultivate the opinion of the profession as a whole. Being in financial services, I know this to be true more than most! In footballing terms, Barton can count himself as the chief protagonist in that minority. Why he can't learn from his mistakes, apologise for his idiocy and move on is beyond me.

Sulley Muntari for Portsmouth (v Birmingham City), 24 November 2007

The story goes that Harry Redknapp arrived at Heathrow on Tuesday night after watching the Rangers game in Stuttgart. He was told "you're wanted!" and apparently said "What, by England?" Er, no, Harry...

Aston Villa 1-1 Arsenal
Blackburn 2-1 Newcastle
Chelsea 2-0 West Ham
Portsmouth 1-1 Everton
Reading 1-0 Middlesbrough
Sunderland 2-0 Derby
Wigan 1-0 Man City
Liverpool 2-0 Bolton
Tottenham 3-0 Birmingham
Man United 2-0 Fulham

and why not some wildcards from the FA Cup?

Notts County 2-0 Havant and Waterlooville
Torquay 1-2 Brighton
Mansfield Town 2-0 Harrogate Railway

Lee Bowyer for West Ham (v Derby County), 10 November 2007

"If Derby County hadn't been promoted via the play-offs last season, Billy Davies would still be manager."

Discuss.

Frank Lampard for England (vs Croatia), 21 November 2007

The Premier League? Best league in the world mate.

Arsenal 2-0 Wigan
Birmingham 0-1 Portsmouth
Bolton 0-2 Man Utd
Derby 0-2 Chelsea
Everton 2-1 Sunderland
Man City 2-1 Reading
Middlesbrough 0-0 Aston Villa
Newcastle 1-1 Liverpool
Fulham 0-1 Blackburn
West Ham 2-2 Tottenham

Wildcards:

Celtic 3-1 Aberdeen
Weymouth 1-1 York
West Brom 2-1 Wolverhampton
I'm not sure my heart's in this.

Ivica Olic for Croatia (v England), 21 November 2007

You will note that my predictions for the qualifiers for Euro 2008 were ultimately all correct barring one glaring mistake.

If this is the best league in the world, the "golden generation" with a raft of players considered the world's finest, defeats to Croatia and Russia and draws against Israel and Macedonia are simply not good enough.

Too many foreign players, injuries and suspensions - the whole gamut of excuses will be rolled out. These are all red herrings. There are two reasons we haven't qualified. Firstly, the blame needs to squarely rest with the manager whose climbdowns, tactical misadventure and inconsistency have failed to get a decent set of players out of, let's face it, an easy group.

Secondly, some of the senior players need to look at themselves in the mirror and wonder if they really performed to anywhere near their talent throughout any of this campaign. Gerrard, Lampard, Robinson, Bridge, Beckham, Joe Cole have all been way under par in an England shirt over the last eighteen months. As Simon Aldred from Cherry Ghost succinctly put it (an evening better spent, I reckon) - "...there is no better sport than watching eleven dejected millionaires get rained on...."

All this hubris about the quality of the Premier League and it's English stars needs to end now. On the basis that Greece, Poland, Croatia and Romania have qualified - hell, even Finland came nearer to qualification than England - it's time for the manager to go and for someone with a half decent knowledge of international football to take over. And it might help for a dose of reality to be administered to everyone within the English game. We are (and have been for eighteen months) sh*t. I just wish we knew we were.

Omer Golan for Israel (v Russia), 17 November 2007

So, the width of a post rescued England's chances of qualification for Euro 2008, and a dodgy free-kick decision did for Scotland's. Looking at the rest of the qualifying groups, though, it's a case if the usual suspects on the plane to Austria and Switzerland next summer.

Poland - consistent in qualifying but invariably disappointing in tournaments - sealed their place in Euro 2008 with a win over Belgium. They will be joined from Group A by Portugal as long as they don't lose to Finland on Wednesday night. There is a complicated situation where Serbia could still go through, but bank on the Portuguese to be there in the summer.

Italy's last gasp win at Hampden mean the World Champions qualify along with the French.

Thanks to a change in the rules, reigning champions Greece had to qualify this time around and, somewhat appropriately, I think, they will get the opportunity to retain their title having won Group C. Norway were all set to join them, but a 2-1 home defeat to Turkey on Saturday puts the Turks in pole position and they will go through if they beat Bosnia in Istanbul on Wednesday.

The Czech Republic and Germany had long qualified from Group D.

Despite their defeat to Macedonia, Croatia have qualified from Group E with England all set to join them should they avoid defeat on Wednesday night.

Spain's 3-0 defeat of Sweden secured their birth and they will be joined by the Swedes unless they lose to Latvia and Northern Ireland beat Spain in Gran Canaria.

Romania and Holland qualify from Group G at the expense of Bulgaria.

Interestingly, England's stumbling campaign could work to their advantage in the seeding of the tournament. The top seeds in Decembers draw will be three of the tournaments weaker teams (current holders Greece and hosts Austria and Switzerland) as well as the country with the best qualifying coefficient for this tournament and the 2006 World Cup. England are therefore likely to be in the second group of seeds and with some luck this could result in an easier draw. We'll no doubt still go out heroically in the quarter-finals, though. Probably on penalties.

Likely qualifiers:

Austria (hosts), Switzerland (hosts), Poland, Portugal, Italy, France, Greece, Turkey, Czech Republic, Germany, Croatia, England, Spain, Sweden, Romania and Holland

Roman Pavluchenko for Russia (v England), 17 October 2007

[Should foreign refs take charge of domestic football?]
[The MyFootballClub debate]

Are we finally going to get rid of that bumbling ginger idiot this weekend? Come on Russia, do us all a favour....

Bulgaria 1-2 Romania
FYR Macedonia 0-2 Croatia
Greece 3-0 Malta
Israel 0-1 Russia
Northern Ireland 1-2 Denmark
Norway 2-1 Turkey
Poland 2-0 Belgium
Scotland 1-0 Italy
Spain 2-0 Sweden
Wales 1-2 Republic of Ireland

and some wildcards from teams from the fair county of Essex:

Dagenham and Redbridge 1-2 Bradford
Grays Athletic 2-0 Farsley Celtic
Braintree Town 2-1 Bognor Regis Town

Raphael Nade for Ebbsfleet Utd (v Altrincham), 20 October 2007

We have touched on this subject before, but today MyFootballClub agreed to buy a controlling stake in Blue Square Premier side Ebbsfleet United.

You probably know the premise - an annual membership fee of £35 gets you a stake in a club and input on all major decisions affecting the club and the team.

I know there are those readers who have signed up to this venture, and earlier today ST asked me whether he thought CUAS should get involved at the start, or whether I thought the idea preposterous.

Let me answer that very simply: I think this whole escapade is utterly ridiculous.

Your £35 gets you, for example, a vote on team selection and tactics. The head coach (former Republic of Ireland international Liam Daish, by the way) will make notes on form and fitness, but it's ultimately the members that decide the starting XI.

Brilliant. Let armchair punters with no idea whatsoever decide who plays. Anyone know who plays at right-back for Ebbsfleet United? Or, indeed, who their reserve right-back is? No, thought not. How, then, is one supposed to make any sort of informed decision about who to pick bar the coaching staff who work with them on a daily basis?

Suppose, for example, Ebbsfleet tie up a deal to sign Lee Sharpe which is approved by the members. With no disrespect to the fella, he's probably not that fit these days and a shadow of the once great winger he was (some would say that was true at any point after he left Man United.) If he's on the selection list for 53,000 ignorant punters to pick from, he'll get picked, won't he? Even if the incumbent left winger is a 19 year old genius in the making.

Malcolm Bigcock. He'll get a game every week for one reason alone.

And what happens when they are 2-0 down at half time? Is there a text-based vote? "Text the name of the player you want replaced to 81193".

And then there's the second season. 53,000 people paid their £35 in ignorance of which club was chosen. Ebbsfleet were unveiled today, they fail to improve on their 9th place in the Blue Square Premier and it rolls around to next August. The novelty wears off, a few thousand can't be bothered, a few thousand more don't like the choice of club. Bang goes the income - and then what?

The website says it will "inspire players - having the backing of tens of thousands of members will be the ultimate motivation." Until of course you play a blinder one week and are dropped the next because a few thousand people in Chicago or Aberystwyth fancy the other player in your position because the internet tells them so. Not that inspiring then, eh?

Well, Ebbsfleet fans, I feel for you. Having your club poached from under your nose in nothing more than a giant publicity stunt, and your team chosen by people whose sole experience of this sort of thing is taking Rushden and Diamonds to the Premiership on Championship Manager must be galling.

I just don't get it. A head coach and coaching staff taking training on a day to day basis whilst completely unqualified and ignorant people get to decide the starting XI just because they paid for the club. If I were coming up with a blueprint for a successful club, Hearts and Chelsea wouldn't be the first two I'd pick.....

Dennis Rommedahl for Ajax (v Feyenoord), 11 November 2007

It was "Klassieker" weekend in Holland this weekend, with the league's top two sides going head to head in the country's most fiercely contested derby match.

A spirited Feyenoord side dominated the first half and Gio van Bronckhorst's 27th minute goal separated the sides at half time.

Ajax coach Adrie Koster made two changes at the interval, removing Luis Suarez and the apparently infinitely ineffective Albert Luque and the substitutes changed the game. Ex-Charlton winger Dennis Rommedahl side-footed a brilliant equaliser on 52 minutes, and Swiss teenager Siem de Jong sneaked a left foot shot in the far corner on 67 minutes after some woeful Feyenoord defending.

Despite looking down and out, the home side equalised with sixteen minutes remaining when ex-Rangers striker Michael Mols stumbled in the box and despite fierce Ajax protestations, a penalty was awarded. Marten Stekelenburg kept out Theo Lucius' spot-kick but Jonathan de Guzman was on hand to poke in the rebound. Ajax lost George Ogararu to injury shortly after having made their permitted three substitutions but held on for a 2-2 draw.

What interested me about this game is that the Dutch FA had made a bold decision to appoint a Belgian referee, Franck de Bleeckere for the match rather than using one of their own officials. A Dutch official would have understood the nature of the derby atmosphere and the individual traits of players they come into regular contact with, but is an impartial foreigner likely to provide a more objective and laws-driven environment? Other than the erroneous penalty award, De Bleeckere did well, I thought - his zero tolerance for technical transgressions was apparent early (a booking for simulation and one for deliberate handball in each penalty box) and he was authoritative throughout.

I'm largely in favour of allowing good quality referees to administer games outside their own country - indeed when Pierluigi Collina reached the retirement age for Italian refs there was some conjecture that me may continue his career in England (as our retirement age is higher.) I'm not arguing that the standard of refereeing abroad is better - but for a Premiership title decider on the last day of the season, why not consider a top European ref as an impartial and experienced option? In this day of foreign players and managers it seems a bit inconsistent that we can't do the same with our officials.

Luke Young for Middlesbrough (v Tottenham Hotspur), 3 November 2007

So, it's that time of the week again. I feel like Leeds United - majestic in the first season of this game, and a slow and ineluctable decline since. Shane's Chelsea-like consistency is reminiscent of Mourinho's 2004 side....

Derby 0-2 West Ham
Liverpool 2-0 Fulham
Sunderland 2-1 Newcastle
Birmingham 1-1 Aston Villa
Bolton 1-0 Middlesbrough
Chelsea 2-0 Everton
Man Utd 1-0 Blackburn
Portsmouth 2-0 Man City
Tottenham 3-0 Wigan
Reading 1-2 Arsenal

and wildcards from the FA Cup First Round:

Crewe 1-1 Milton Keynes Dons
Morecambe 1-2 Port Vale
Wycombe 2-1 Swindon

Pontus Wernbloom for IFK Goteborg (v Trelleborg FF), 28 October 2007

Trying to standardise the world football calendar might seem like a great idea in principle, but try selling that idea to the Scandinavians whose leagues, on account of their impending winter, are now either concluded or well on the way.

It's been a really interesting season in Scandinavian football, actually, with the established order struggling and some new faces in the upper echelons of the leagues.

Norway's biggest club, Rosenborg Trondheim, have had a contrasting season. Despite Champions League qualification and subsequent excellent results against both Chelsea and Valencia, an unacceptable fifth place league finish (meaning no European qualification) cost coach Knut Toerem his job. The toppling of Rosenborg as the main power in Norwegian football was unexpected, particularly considering they have been as dominant a club as any European league has seen in the last two decades, winning fifteen of the last seventeen league titles.

Their demise opened up a chance of glory for another of Norway's sides, and it was last years runners-up SK Brann who grapsed the chance of the Tippeligaen title for their first Championship since 1963. Stabaek finished second - the best finish in the clubs long history - and Viking secured the "bronze" spot from Lillestrom.

As well as for Rosenborg, it was a disappointing season for 2005 champions Valerenga who ended up in seventh spot, a full eighteen points off the top.

The Finnish league was more predictable, however, with Tampere United comfortably retaining the Veikkausliiga title by eight points from their nearest rivals FC Haka (coincidentally, Tampere lost in the third Champions League qualifying round to Rosenborg). Haka improved on last season's third place finish to qualify for the UEFA Cup and last years second place side HJK Helsinki had a poor season and finished seventh. 29 year old Braizilan sttriker Rafael was the league's top goalscorer having spent most of his career in Finland.

A nailbiting end to the Swedish season saw the title race go down to the wire with three clubs - IFK Goteborg, Kalmar FF and Djurgardens in with a chance entering the final day. A surprise 1-0 home defeat by relegated Brommapojkarna ended Djurgardens hopes, although ultimately even a win wouldn't have been enough. Kalmar did their bit beating AIK 2-0 but they were denied a fairytale first ever league title by one point as Goteborg's two first half goals handed them the title for the first time since 1996.

Swedish football is one of the more interesting European leagues - indeed since Goteborg's dominance between 1990 and 1996, seven different sides have won the Allvenskan title. Halmstads (twice), AIK, Helsingborgs, Hammarby, Djurgardens (twice), Malmo and IF Elfsborg have lifted the trophy in the last decade.

It's also one of the more closely contested with only fourteen points separating the top 8 sides, and with the top league to be extended from 14 to 16 clubs in 2008 it will make for an interesting season. Whether we are entering another period of IFK Goteborg dominance, I am not sure - a disappointing year for Henrik Larsson's Helsingborg ended with a ominous 9-0 thumping of a competent Halmstads side and so perhaps signals their intent for next season.

Sweden
Champions - IFK Goteborg
UEFA Cup: Djurgardens, Kalmar
Intertoto Cup - Elfsborg

Norway
Champions - SK Brann
UEFA Cup - Stabaek, Viking
Intertoto Cup - Lillestrom

Finland
Champions - Tampere United
UEFA Cup - FC Haka
Intertoto Cup - TPS

Alex Russell for Northampton Town (vs Oldham Athletic), 27 October 2007

Hello. That time of the week again... you know, the one where we all make comically bad guesses at the weekend's Premier League scores.

Or is that just me?

Arsenal 1-1 Man Utd
Aston Villa 2-0 Derby
Blackburn 0-0 Liverpool
Everton 2-1 Birmingham
Fulham 2-2 Reading
Middlesbrough 2-1 Tottenham
Newcastle 0-1 Portsmouth
Wigan 0-2 Chelsea
West Ham 3-1 Bolton
Man City 1-0 Sunderland

and some wildcards from the East Midlands:

Colchester 0-1 Leicester
Northampton 2-1 Southend
Nottm Forest 1-0 Tranmere
Mansfield 0-1 Macclesfield,

John Arne Riise for Loverpool (v Manchester Utd), 12 August 2001

So, what's this, then?

Hmm. That name looks familiar, and an address in Liverpool?

Aah! It must be that lovable left-footed Norwegian rogue John-Arne Riise.

But hold on a moment. That looks a bit like the payslip I get showing my meagre earnings at the end of every month. This surely, you know, can't be, can it?


Good Lord. It appears it *is* John's payslip, albeit from about a year ago. £120,000 a month isn't too bad, although I'm a bit concerned as to the club's fortunes at that time if his "points bonus" is only a measly £250. Still, the Champions League increase is handy, isn't it?

He's paid by BACS. That's probably sensible - he's struggle getting the used notes into the back of his Bentley, I'd imagine.

I'd be intrigued to see Kieron Dyer or Darren Anderton's payslips, if only to see the figure in the "statutory sick pay" box....

Anyway, good old John trousered a cool £82,413 in September. All for kicking a ball round a park in Merseyside. Nice work, if you can get it...

Jose Manuel Rey for Venezuela (v Ecuador), 13 October 2007

101 Great Goals #27 - Jose Manuel Rey

Time for one of these again, I think. From the South American World Cup qualifiers a couple of weeks back, quite what defender Jose Manuel Rey thought he was doing even attempting a crack at goal from just inside the opposition half, Lord only knows. However, crack it he did, and in the process he registered one of the all-time direct free-kick goals. Absolutely potty.

Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink for Cardiff (vs Wolverhampton Wanderers), 24 October 2007

Predictions time again folks....

Birmingham 1-0 Wigan
Chelsea 2-1 Man City
Man Utd 2-0 Middlesbrough
Portsmouth 2-1 West Ham
Reading 1-1 Newcastle
Sunderland 1-1 Fulham
Bolton 0-1 Aston Villa
Derby 1-1 Everton
Liverpool 1-1 Arsenal
Tottenham 2-1 Blackburn

Wildcards from FA Cup Qualifying, R4:

AFC Hornchurch 1-0 Team Bath
Folkestone Invicta 0-2 Billericay
Ware 2-1 Tonbridge Angels

Steve Claridge for Leicester (vs Middlesbrough), 16 April 1997

As I've said here several times before, I quite often find watching football on the telly boring. Usually this has little to do with the teams involved or the quality of the game itself. Rather it has everything to do with the fact that I have the attention span of an adolescent gnat. On the day of a big game, I will devour all of the pre-match previews in the newspaper, I'll watch the build up and the predictions and then happily watch the first few minutes with great concentration, but before too long, my mind will start to wander; I'll start idly flicking through a newspaper, I'll browse the internet, I'll get up and make a cup of tea, I'll wonder what I'm having for my dinner.... in short, I'll do almost anything but get lost in the narrative of the game unfolding in front of me. Sometimes the game is good enough to snap me out of this pattern and will simply demand my attention, but more often than not, I find myself dipping in and out of games.

The radio is completely different though. I love listening to football commentary on the radio. We have radios scattered throughout the house, from the kitchen to the bedroom to the bathroom, but every single one of them is tuned into Five Live. This is principally because I prefer talk radio to the inanities of Radio One when I get up in the morning, but I can't yet face Radio Four for what I see as its pompous tone and (more importantly) its lack of serious sports coverage. Five Live is much brighter and has a lighter touch and more sport than you can shake a stick at. Although I'll sometimes tune into Zane Lowe when I'm cooking my tea in the evening, more often than not I'll be tuned into a slightly scratchy medium wave signal and listening to Alan Green and Mike Ingham covering a game. My short attention span matters less when listening to a game on the radio: the commentators are working in a very different medium to their counterparts on television. Where the best TV commentators know when to let the pictures speak for themselves, radio commentary has to paint the picture for their listeners. In television, less is more. In radio, the reverse is true. When football is on the telly, I feel as though I have to be actually watching to pick up on the ebb and flow of a game. Not so on radio. My mind can wander all it likes whilst I'm listening to a game on the radio, but I can somehow still absorb the details of the game from the commentary as it plays out in the background. I can more easily enjoy a game passively on the radio.

There's a cultural difference too: football coverage on Sky seems to be contractually obliged to tell us how every game is the best game until the next game and to constantly harp on about what's coming up in "The Best League In The World" (tm). This is not a philosophy that Five Live subscribes to, and Alan Green in particular is especially quick to point out that he is finding any particular game turgid. Perhaps Green does it to a fault, but I quite like the honesty and find it far more convincing that Sky's brainwashing. Martin Tyler and Andy Gray are perfectly acceptable commentators (far more so than the sadly fading John Motson, anyway), but Ingham, Green, Jonathan Pierce and John Murray are frequently excellent as the main commentators, often ably backed up by an array of usually interesting and informative co-commentators. Who knew that Stan Collymore and Steve Claridge could provide such insightful and informed analysis? Certainly more informative and interesting than the likes of Alan Shearer and Ian Wright, anyway. They also cover lower league football well, with Mark Clemmitt apparently have an even more encyclopaedic knowledge of the football league than Jeff Stelling.

The other good thing about football on the radio? You get all of the games in one place and they're all free. No need for that subscription to Setanta here.... although if you want to hear Alex Ferguson or Sam Allardyce interviewed, you'll have to go elsewhere as they won't talk to the BBC (courtesy of Alan Green's big mouth and their own easily bruised egos and staggering abilities to bear a grudge)

The BBC have been getting a lot of criticism recently about how they spend our money. There's no question that they don't always get things right or that they do lots of things wrong....but in my opinion Five Live is one thing that they get more or less spot on. I

It's certainly not perfect --- I could do without Lovejoy and Spoony on 606 for starters, but perhaps that's another story.

Robin van Persie for Arsenal (v Sunderland), 7 October 2007

Well, saves us all a trip to Switzerland and Austria, doesn't it?

Arsenal 1-0 Bolton
Aston Villa 0-1 Man Utd
Blackburn 2-1 Reading
Everton 1-1 Liverpool
Fulham 2-1 Derby
Man City 2-0 Birmingham
Middlesbrough 0-2 Chelsea
Wigan 1-2 Portsmouth
West Ham 2-1 Sunderland
Newcastle 1-1 Tottenham

well, lets go to Switzerland, seeing as England aren't....

Lucerne 1-1 St Gallen
Basle 2-1 Young Boys
FC Thun 0-1 FC Zurich

Wayne Rooney for England (v Estonia), 13 October 2007

Despite it's "rugby football" name, this place does not concern itself with matters of the oval ball. Indeed, rugby is one of the few sports I can't get that excited about, save for those few matches in which I can be nationalistic and partisan about the result. From the photo you will notice that last night was one of those such nights - bear in mind this was supposed to be someone's wedding reception...

Many appreciate rugby's nuances and tactics, but I can't get that excited about a disciplined and controlled team performance. I know that rugby has its moments of individual brilliance, but I find England's progress towards the World Cup Final akin to that of the Greece team in Euro 2004. Whilst one can begrudgingly admire the team ethic and tactics, that method is far less successful in football. Football is much more defined by individual brilliance and tactics - a last-ditch tackle, exquisite pass, brilliant save or wondergoal. That's not to say that rugby is bereft of such moments - but these moments are generally few and far between in an eighty minute match rather than football in which moments of great play can be much more commonplace.

It's clearly possible to like both, and I don't want to turn this into a football versus rugby debate. The reason I mention it at all is for a tiny moment in last night's semi-final that superbly defined the difference between the two sports and the manner and spirit in which they are contested.

Less than ninety seconds into the match, a long punt into the corner was chased back by French full back Damien Traille. In a split second he misjudged the bounce of the ball, and an opportunist Josh Lewsey pounced on the loose ball and forced himself over the line for a try.

A score. Within the first two minutes of the World Cup Semi-Final. A priceless and ultimately critical 5-0 lead.

Rather than his football counterparts, who would have wheeled around towards their supporters in a manner of unbridled chest-thumping superiority (no doubt with their shirts over their heads) Lewsey did something entirely different. Immediately, he turned to the French player, prostrate on the ground in dismay at his error, bent down and almost imperceptibly patted him on the head.

Blink, and you'd have missed it, but there in that gesture was my absolute highlight of the entire Rugby World Cup tournament. A small moment of grace which acknowledges that our opponents are human and fallible and that without them there wouldn't be much of a game. There by the grace of God go I.

It reminded me of the famous moment at the end of the epic Ashes test at Edgbaston in 2005. On that sunny Sunday morning, the Australian last wicket pairing of Brett Lee and Michael Kasprowicz had amazingly put themselves in a position where they were moving inexorably towards a match winning partnership. Then, in the nick of time, Kasprowicz gloved (via the bat first, as it turned out) a Steve Harmison delivery to wicket-keeper Geraint Jones to give England a two run victory in one of the closest Test matches in history.

Winning such an incredible match by the tiniest of margins sent the England fans into a frenzy. But, in the same manner as Lewsey, England's talismanic all-rounder Andrew Flintoff didn't immediately over-celebrate the victory, whooping and hollering. Instead, he turned to the stranded Brett Lee at the other end of the pitch and offered the Australian batsman some words of comfort.

In relative terms, I suppose it would have been like the England football side winning a World Cup semi-final on penalty kicks and Wayne Rooney's first reaction being to commiserate the opposition goalkeeper. Just wouldn't happen, would it?

I'm not holding rugby and cricket as majestic examples of the great spirit in which sport is played. This lazy and oversimplistic attitude is used by some and it is clearly flawed. Both sports have problems with indiscipline, scandal and cheating. The difference is clear however - the appreciation of your opponents as a crucial part of the game (and ultimately of your own success) has largely disappeared from football. I know that this is a reason that some have turned their back on football as they prefer the more gentlemanly and fair-spirited way in which other sports are played. I can't get that excited about rugby (ask me at 9pm next Saturday, though), but football could learn some valuable lessons from it, that much is certain.

Michael Owen for England (v Russia), 12 September 2007

It's silly random international fixture predictions time again, folks....

Belarus 2-0 Luxembourg
Belgium 1-1 Finland
Croatia 2-0 Israel
Denmark 1-1 Spain
England 3-0 Estonia
Moldova 0-2 Turkey
Rep of Ireland 1-2 Germany
Romania 2-1 Holland
Scotland 1-1 Ukraine
Slovenia 2-1 Albania

and wildcards from FA Cup qualifying:

Bromley 2-1 Dartford
Nuneaton 4-0 Stamford
West Auckland Town 1-3 Bamber Bridge

Welcoming the New Zealanders to the FA Cup, there....

Geoff Hurst for England (v West Germany), 30 July 1966

For over forty years, the football world has debated whether Geoff Hurst's second and England's third goal in the 1966 World Cup Final should have stood.

It's probably one of the most famous events in England's football history - the shot rebounding from the cross bar down onto the goal-line and back into play.

Famously, the linesman Tofik Bakhramov (actually from Azerbaijan where his statue stands proudly outside the national stadium) gave the goal and England went on to win 4-2.

In terms of whether it was a goal, this from Simon Barnes is the best and most convincing argument I have yet to read - the footage certainly supports this argument...

"Look at the still picture of the moment. Not at the ball crossing the line, at the forward in attendance. Of course it was a goal. Roger Hunt was there, perfectly positioned to put away the rebound, but he didn't do anything of the kind. He turned away to celebrate. Instantly, spontaneously, instinctively. It would have been a tap-in, but he turned it down. A goal-scorer only refuses a goal when he knows, knows in the very deepest parts of his being, that the goal has already been scored...."

Alfonso Alves for Heerenveen (v Heracles), 7 October 2007

It's not been the best season for Brazilian international striker Alfonso Alves thus far. That was until yesterday....

After helping Malmo win the Swedish league in 2004 and finishing as the league's top scorer for two seasons in a row, Alves headed south to Dutch side Heerenveen in 2006 for a club record €4.5 million. He made an amazing impact in his first season scoring 34 goals in 31 games, missed out to Francesco Totti by one point for the European Golden Boot and made his debut for Brazil.

Scouts from across Europe sat up and took notice, and this summer saw an intense amount of speculation as to Alves' next club. Middlesbrough was his most likely destination but by the end of the transfer window he remained at the Dutch club. This speculation led to a falling out with Heerenveen and he was left out of the first five games of the season. He made his peace with the club and returned for the second half of the 2-0 defeat to Feyenoord last weekend.

And then came this Sundays' home game against struggling Heracles. Desperately needing to add to their tally of five points from six games, Heerenveen boss Gertjan Verbeek recalled the Brazilian striker to the starting line-up.

That was a decision that ended up being vindicated in record-breaking style. Alves broke the Eredivisie scoring record by bagging seven goals in a 9-0 home victory. His hat-trick came in nine first-half minutes, and the remaining four goals in nine second-half minutes. He was then withdrawn with ten minutes remaining (even though Heerenveen had already made all three permitted substitutions) to a huge ovation. Manager Verbeek called the performance "extraordinary".

What it all means is that Alves is still likely to move on in the January transfer window, as long as the dispute between the player and Heerenveen is resolved (the player feels the club priced him too highly). Whilst his return wasn't enough to salvage the club's UEFA Cup campaign (an astonishing two leg tie against Helsingborgs saw Heerenveen throw away a 5-3 first-leg lead by losing 5-1 in Sweden), his goalscoring exploits will be crucial to Heerenveen's pursuit of a European league position this season.

Birgit Prinz for Germany (v Brazil), 30 September 2007

Hello there. Predictions time again (although considering that Shane's runaway lead continues, I'm not sure why the rest of us are bothering. Mumble mumble....)

Just two Saturday Premiership games this week. Match of the Day should be interesting...

Aston Villa 2-1 West Ham
Manchester Utd 2-0 Wigan
Arsenal 3-0 Sunderland
Blackburn 2-0 Birmingham
Bolton 0-1 Chelsea
Fulham 1-1 Portsmouth
Liverpool 2-0 Tottenham
Man City 2-0 Middlesbrough
Newcastle 2-1 Everton
Reading 3-1 Derby

and considering they are football's #1 nation right now....

Rangers 2-0 Hibernian
Aberdeen 2-1 St Mirren
Gretna 1-4 Celtic

Albert Luque for Ajax (v VVV-Venlo), 30 September 2007

I was sitting at home on Saturday afternoon pretty bored. I'd spent two hours of my life that I won't get back enduring the interminable "Atonement" earlier in the day, and noticed that there was a live 5.15pm Premiership game. I flicked on the Sky box. Only to discover, of course, it was on Setanta.

Half absent-mindedly, I went to the Setanta website to determine whether it was going to be worth subscribing to their service. It's £9.99 a month, and I noticed they had two Man United games this month. A fiver each, I thought (there is no contract with Setanta and so you can ancel at any time.)

I pondered this whilst sipping a cup of tea and listening to Jeff Stelling for a while, and began clicking through the Setanta site to see what else I'd potentially get for my tenner. At first, it wasn't really all that inspiring. "Live SPL!" it shrieked, which appears to be (other than it's Premier League matches) it's biggest draw. In principle, that sounds OK, until you realise that St Mirren v Motherwell might not actually be the most intriguing game in the football calendar (no disrespect to either team, by the way).

There was some golf coverage, and some random other events (the Australian Rugby League Grand Final which, to be fair, didn't even raise the interest of the Australian living in my household).

And then I noticed they were showing a live game from Le Championnat.

Now, the French league is not my favourite. But, as many will gauge from this site, I am a fan of continental football in general. Oddly, perhaps, not so much the Italian game (I find it a bit insipid) but I do watch the Spanish stuff on Sky. At any given minute I can also pretty much tell you who is top of any of the European leagues (you should see the Swedish league this season, by the way. Nine points separate the top 8 teams after 23 games. Brilliant). I can tell you results from the last round of games, goalscorers, that sort of thing.

The Spanish league gets the most publicity, mainly due to one David Beckham but also due to Sky's relative high priority for it. It's a good league, don't get me wrong. Me, though - I like the Northern European leagues where the football is cheap to attend, simple and competitive.

Live French football, I thought. That might be OK. And then I noticed that Setanta also show live Bundesliga football. Now you're talking, I thought. I've been to a Bundesliga game - it's rough and tumble and a bit like the English game without so much of the talent. I could certainly watch some of that.

And then I noticed one more thing which made me pick up the phone and call there and then. Now, faced with two live games between 5pm Saturday and Sunday, 99.8% of Setanta's new customers, I imagine, were ringing for Birmingham City v Manchester United. Clearly I watched that game (it was worse that "Atonement" for entertainment, although Cristiano Ronaldo and Keira Knightley's facial expressions bear some pouting, pensive resemblance) but I rang for the live Eredivisie match between Ajax and VVV-Venlo on Sunday lunchtime.

Live Dutch football in my living room. Bloody brilliant.

If there is a mile between the top and bottom of the Premier League in terms of class, there is the distance between Amsterdam and Pluto between the top and bottom of the Eredivisie. Venlo, promoted via the Dutch play-offs last season were torn to shreds by a really average Ajax side who never got out of reverse, never mind any forward gear. Venlo took the lead on 4 minutes, and all that did was wake some of Ajax's players from the dead. One of the most incompetent and comedy goalkeeping displays I have ever seen ensued and Ajax ran out 6-1 winners without even breaking into a jog. Albert Luque scored twice, for Lord's sake Yep, that's how easy it was.

This weekend on Setanta, as well as Arsenal v Sunderland (meh), we have Schalke v Karlsruhe, Sporting Lisbon v Guimaraes, Vitesse Arnhem v Feyenoord, Bayern Munich v Nurnberg, Bordeaux v Lyon and Borussia Dortmund v Bochum. Not all live, but all in full.

It's my new favourite channel. Tenner a month? Bargain.

Carlos Tevez for Manchester United (v Chelsea), 23 September 2007

And so, after reading his excellent article again, I e-mailed Paul Wilson at the Guardian today to thank him for his piece. And, very nicely, he e-mailed me back, and told me he appreciated my feedback. He also mentioned how a small number of United fans had contacted him to berate his piece, but that he knew that there were many disaffected fans out there opposed to the policy.

"Gone are the days, at Old Trafford in any case, when supporters could regard cup games as optional extras. Now you either undertake to pay for every game of the season, at considerable extra cost when United can play half a dozen Champions League ties as well as whatever comes along in the domestic knockouts, or risk losing your season-ticket entitlement to someone with deeper pockets."

I also today note this piece, written by opinionated Five Live eejit Alan Green. Pillock he may be, but his point is (I believe) a good one.

"You see, a new scheme is in operation that suggests the Glazers could hardly care less about United supporters. If you're fortunate enough to have a season ticket, you are now FORCED to buy a seat at all home cup ties. It doesn't matter if you don't want to or if you're on holiday or if you're in prison, you MUST buy a ticket or your season ticket will be revoked.

This is some distance from the situation that pertains at some other clubs where a season ticket 'entitles' you to buy a cup ticket for your regular seat. There is no compulsion.

And, not unreasonably, many United fans are absolutely livid. The principle itself stinks. And what of those people - many of the club's supporters are unfairly castigated because they happen to live a long distance away from Old Trafford - who chose to put up with the 'forced sale' but refused to pay the additional, sometimes considerable, expense of actually attending? Hence, the empty seats.

It gets worse. I chuckled last year hearing Sir Alex Ferguson say, after United won the Carling Cup, how he'd always respected the competition. No, Alex, that 'respect' isn't always reflected in your team selections.

The competition clearly ranks fourth in your priorities, as it should. But how does making 11 changes from the Chelsea game and putting in an awful performance, losing at home to a team from the Championship, square with doing your duty to fans that have had little option but to pay for a ticket to a game many didn't want to see?

Fergie was "flabbergasted". I doubt that was the first word on the lips of disgusted United supporters."

I am glad this is now getting the press it deserves. And not because I am a whining United fan that probably should have seen it coming, but because of the resigned inevitability shown by fans of many many other clubs who can see their own owners moving inextricably towards the same sort of money-making scheme.